Cannonball Run 2007: Europe
by BKelly95
Summary: After a shocking turn of events, an American Cannonballer heads to Europe to discover they have their own Cannonball. New adventures and new opponents await.
1. A New Run

Cannonball Run 2007: Europe 

Chapter 1: A New Run

AN:Welcome to the next fic.  
You're probably wondering why this has been posted so soon after the conclusion and epilogue to CR2006. The thing is I was working on this around the time I was working on CR2006 and CR5, mostly to get the scenes down before I forgot what I came up with.  
There is one thing I have to mention. About halfway through this chapter comes a plot development which has proven quite controversial with those I've shown it to. (Until now, this is just Anthony.)  
As for why it's set in Europe, well, I just wanted to try something a little different this time. I'm not sure if it will work, but who knows?  
One last thing: this fic has nothing to do with the real Cannonball Run Europe other than the starting line.  
In any case, here we go.

July, 2005. The transcontinental road race known as the Cannonball Run had just concluded. Perennial favorite J.J. McClure had just gotten engaged to his girlfriend while longtime rival Jamie Blake had won the race.

A man walked over to the race organizer, Dennis "Mad Dog" Menesini, and asked him "Mr. Mad Dog, can we talk in private?" in a British accent.

----------

Mad Dog and the man walked into a room Mad Dog had rented. "What's the deal?" asked Mad Dog.

"My name is Kenneth Livingston." said the man.

"The Group C driver?" asked Mad Dog.

"Well, I was." said Kenneth. "Currently, I'm working as a writer for a British car mag. I have made numerous high speed runs on various highways across Europe, mostly in blatant disregard for legality, safety, and common sense."

"You sound like someone I'd like to know." said Mad Dog.

"Indeed." said Kenneth. "Anyways, back in England, I was approached by several like-minded individuals who asked me to enter this race and pass along judgement to them."

"So, what did you think?" asked Mad Dog.

"I think it's high time Europe got a taste of the Cannonball." said Kenneth. "Many of those like-minded individuals wanted a chance to take part in the race and they wanted me to see what it was like in the case they were able to make the journey to America. I decided to save them the trouble."

"By holding it in Europe." said Mad Dog.

"Quite." said Kenneth. "Here's what I was planning. A month after you run your race next year, the European Cannonball Run will be run for the first time. This is so anyone who has the desire and means to take part in both can do so. Now, since Europe is smaller than North America, we might have to change up the format a little to get the full effect."

"Change it how?" asked Mad Dog.

"Instead of one long dash from point A to point B," said Kenneth "it will be broken up into stages snaking its way around the continent. Each of these stages will end at a checkpoint where the racers will stop off for a rest period before continuing the journey. So, what do you say?"

"It sounds like an intriguing prospect." said Mad Dog. "I'll grant you permission to run a European Cannonball under one condition."

"What's that?" asked Kenneth.

"Save me a spot." said Mad Dog.

The two shared a laugh.

----------

Two years later, the American Cannonball Run was almost finished. Professional skateboarder Rob Falcon raced down the highway in a black '86 Chevrolet El Camino SS. Across the sunvisor was a sticker reading "Mass Casualty Tour".

Rob was singing along with the radio which was playing "Monkeywrench" by the Foo Fighters.

"This is as thrilling as last year." he said.

"Except Patrick isn't here." said his bodyguard Big Bison. "Oh, that reminds me. He called while you were in the can back in Chino."

"Really?" said Rob. "I'll have to call him back after we finish."

"Speaking of which, this is our exit." said Bison.

Rob raced down an exit ramp and pulled a power slide at the bottom.

"Portofino's just down the street." said Rob.

He weaved around several cars, then pulled into the entrance to the Portofino Inn, the finish line to the race.

"These guys are going to be jazzed to see us." said Bison.

"Doesn't look like it." said Rob as he saw the other Cannonballers. "Wait, what the hell is going on?"

Several Cannonballers were parked along the driveway. The first one Rob passed was NASCAR mechanic Terry Fletcher. He leaned against his brown '69 Ford Talledega and held his hand over his face while his wife Sarah tried to comfort him.

Next was Chicago playboy Seymour Drake Jr, also known as "The Drake". He stood next to his silver BMW Z4 while yelling into his cell phone. His bodyguard Ron Lucas looked around franticly.

MIT graduates Jackie Lewis and Michael North were next to be passed. Jackie was sitting in the driver's seat of their Mitsubishi Eclipse with his legs hanging out of the door. Michael leaned against the fender and just shook his head.

Rob then passed street racer Jill Boyd. She stood next to her Acura RSX and talked with her friend, tuner Marcie Thatcher. Their conversation was obviously tense.

The last one Rob passed was Blake who just stared ahead of his red Ferrari F430. His teammate Morris Fenderbaum also stared in disbelief.

Just ahead of them, J.J. was laying face-down on the hood of an olive drab Dodge Charger with military markings. He was wearing an officer's uniform and was being held onto the hood by a CHP officer.

Rob and Bison parked the El Camino and climbed out. "Blake, what's going on?" asked Rob.

"J.J. just got arrested for impersonating military personel." said Blake. "Apparently, that's a pretty serious offense."

"Shit." muttered Rob.

"And you want to know what's really ironic?" asked Blake. "He won the race."

----------

Later, the Cannonballers retreated to a buffet to eat dinner and discuss the arrest.

Jill laid out a hamburger and was now trying to pry a slice of cheese free of a stack. Next to her, Jackie leaned over a plate of baked salmon.

"God, I'm depressed." he said. He grabbed Jill's burger patty just before she dropped the cheese onto it.

Rob sat near Blake and Terry.

"What do you think is going to happen to him?" asked Blake as he fingered his fish and chips.

"I don't know yet." said Terry as he picked up a slice of pizza. "I heard he's going to lose his license."

Rob looked at them depressed. Bison then sat down across from him with a bowl of mashed potatoes.

"Potatoes?" asked Rob.

"There wasn't much left." said Bison. "Do you think J.J's gonna be okay?"

"I don't know yet." said Rob. "This is J.J. we're talking about. He always manages to come through clean."

"I'm not so sure about that." said Bison. "It looked pretty serious out there."

Just then, the Drake stood at the front of the room. "Cannonballers, please give me a minute." he said. "I just got off the phone with my lawyer. He says that J.J. pled guilty to the charge of impersonating a military officer which I didn't even know was illegal."

"Come on!" yelled someone.

"As a result," continued the Drake "it looks like he is going to jail. Unfortunately, he's also going to lose his license."

"Damn!"

"Screw that!"

"However, Victor and Pamela got off scot free as a result of J.J's plea." said the Drake. "I gave him the best lawyer I could afford and this will be going to trial. There's nothing we can do for him right now. Refill your stomachs and save me a crepe."

"Well, that sucked." said Rob.

"I know." said Bison. "We all kept thinking J.J. was invincible. When he goes down, it reminds us all we could be next."

"Next year's race isn't going to be the same without him." said Rob.

"Got that right." said Bison. "Oh, did you remember to call Patrick back?"

"No, I didn't." said Rob. "I kinda forgot with all the drama going on." He took out his cell phone.

"Don't call him now." said Bison. "Ireland's eight hours ahead of L.A. It's one in the morning there.

"Okay." said Rob. "I can wait a few hours."

----------

At eleven, Rob and Bison had returned home. Rob got on the phone and called Patrick.

At that time in Dublin, Irish professional skateboarder Patrick Bannon looked into a video camera set up next to his pool. The rounded-bottom pool had been completely drained.

"This is Patrick Bannon preparing for the Pan-European Extreme. It is seven o'clock in the morning and I am about to skate this pool. If there are any flaws in my technique, this footage is sure to spotlight them. And here I go."

Patrick ran over to the side of the pool where his skateboard sat. He stepped on the board and wheeled it to the edge of the pool. After balancing the board on the lip for a couple of seconds, he put his other foot on the front of the board and rode it into the pool. On his way down, the phone rang.

"Andy!" he yelled as he raced up the other side. "Get that!" he yelled as he popped up the first side.

In the living room, a man with messy dark hair, disheveled clothes, and a ball and chain necklace stirred awake on the couch. He rolled onto the floor and staggered back to his feet. He walked to the ringing phone as picked it up as Patrick managed to pull himself out of the pool.

"Whoever the hell this is, do you have any idea how bloody early it is right now?"

Patrick ran into the kitchen, vaulted over the table, and took the phone. "Hello?" he asked. "Oh, Rob!"

"Sorry I took so long to get back." said Rob. "It's been a bad day. So, who was that?"

"Oh, that's just Andy." said Patrick. "I decided to let him sleep on my couch after last night's party."

"So, why'd you call earlier?" asked Rob.

"Did you know there's a Cannonball Run in Europe?" asked Patrick.

"No, I didn't know that." said Rob.

"It's taking place next month and Andy and I were wondering if you wanted to come with us." said Patrick.

"After I just ran this long race, you want me to take part in another?" asked Rob.

"Sure." said Patrick.

"Can Bison come too?" asked Rob.

"Of course." said Patrick.

"Yeah, I think I can make it." said Rob. "I'm going to have to clear my schedule."

"Great, we'll see you then." said Patrick.

"Sounds great. Bye." said Rob.

"Bye." said Patrick as he hung up. He then saw Andy holding his head in his hands. "Not a morning person, are you?"

"Who was that?" asked Andy. "That yank you ran the American Cannonball Run with last year?"

"That was him." said Patrick. "He's bringing his bodyguard with him. This is going to be a really fun ride."

"I hope so." said Andy. "Considering we don't have a car yet."


	2. The New Runners

Cannonball Run 2007: Europe

Chapter 2: The New Runners

AN:Well, that went a little better than expected.  
You might be wondering why I didn't post a cast list this time. It was because most of the characters are being introduced in this chapter. And so, here's the cast list:

Rob Falcon-Vince Vieluf  
Big Bison-Keenan Thompson  
Patrick Bannon-Jamie Kennedy  
Andy Dunne-Cillian Murphy  
Robin Corcoran-Bronagh Gallagher  
Malcolm Gates-Anthony Stewart Head  
Ian Thomas-Lennie James  
Heidi Kerner-Franka Potente  
Gretchen Steinberg-Diane Kruger  
Per Lindstrom-Dolph Lundgren  
Marie Lindstrom-Nina Persson  
Pierre Massarde-Michael Massee  
Monique-Audrey Tautou  
Guillaume-Jean Reno  
Salvatore Moretti-Roberto Benigni  
Guiseppe Venicci-Tony Shalhoub  
Tony-Seann William Scott  
Caesar King-Sharif Atkins  
Constable Leeds-Jeremy Clarkson  
Deputy Porter-Richard Hammond  
Ken Livingston-James May

You can probably tell the characters' nationalities by who I "cast" in the roles.  
And here's the characters who belong to those names. Enjoy. And one more thing: dialogue in parenthesis is translated into English.

In Darmstadt, Germany, a woman walked into her boss's office. She wore a conservative suit and glasses and wore her blonde hair in a bun.

"Herr Bach?" she said.

"(Come in, Gretchen.)" said Mr. Bach in German.

"(I am here to inform you that I am leaving on my vacation.)" said Gretchen.

"(Very well, you may leave.)" said Bach.

"(That's it?)" asked Gretchen.

"Fraulein Steinberg," said Bach "(you have been working virtually non-stop for the last two years. I would rather you take this vacation than to see you succumb to work stress. Besides, I'm sure this little ride in the countryside will do you some good.)"

"Danke!" said Gretchen.

"(Give Miss Kerner my regards.)" said Mr. Bach.

Gretchen walked down the hallway and to the foyer. When she got there, she found a dark-haired woman wearing a red jumpsuit sitting in a chair.

"(I was starting to think you wouldn't show up.)" said the woman.

"(Herr Bach sends his regards, Heidi.)" said Gretchen.

"(Come along.)" laughed Heidi. "(The car is in the rear parking lot.)"

Gretchen and Heidi entered the rear parking lot. Gretchen immediately walked over to a Mercedes-Benz E55 AMG and reached for the door handle.

"Nien." said Heidi. "(Not that one.)"

"(Where is it?)" asked Gretchen.

"(Right here.)" said Heidi as she went for the door handle to a white Porsche Cayman S.

"(Very nice.)" said Gretchen. She opened the passenger-side door and climbed in.

She and Heidi fastened their seatbelts. Heidi started the car as Gretchen started to undo the bun in her hair. Heidi put the car in gear and drove out of the parking lot.

"(Go slow until we hit the autobahn.)" said Gretchen.

Heidi didn't listen. The Porsche exceeded the speed limit within seconds. A BMW 330i police car quickly turned around and gave chase.

Gretchen looked over her shoulder at their pursuer. "(I thought I told you to keep it slow?)"

Heidi just laughed and floored the accelerator. She took an on-ramp to the Autobahn. In seconds, she had melded into traffic. The police car kept on them.

"(Let's see if that racing school paid off.)" said Heidi. She swerved around a tractor-trailer and cut around an Opel.

The police car raced along the shoulder and bypassed traffic. The Porsche forced a van onto the shoulder, forcing the police car to brake and swerve around it.

"(Oh, and there's KITT.)" said Gretchen.

"(I doubt his Turbo Boost can catch us.)" said Heidi.

Traffic started to thin and Heidi floored it. The police car got on them, but the Porsche pulled away from it.

Heidi and Gretchen listened to a police scanner. The pursuing officer was calling off his pursuit.

"(That's funny.)" said Gretchen. "(The cop is out of gas.)"

"(One nightmare we've woken up from.)" said Heidi.

"(On to England?)" asked Gretchen.

"(You got it.)" said Heidi.

--

In Dublin, a 747 touched down at the airport. Minutes later, the passengers left the plane. Two of the passengers were Rob and Bison. They made their way to the baggage terminal. As they were picking up their bags, Bison directed Rob's attention to the television which was tuned to RTE.

"They're reporting it here, too." said Bison.

Rob looked up at the television. There was a news report being shown.

"In news from the U.S," said the anchorwoman "upstate New York auto mechanic James McClure Jr. began serving his two week sentence for his participation in a race called the Cannonball Run."

The station showed J.J. being led away in handcuffs. Despite the situation, he was laughing. The anchorwoman continued her coverage.

"McClure, who was also the race's reported winner, pled guilty to multiple charges of impersonating a military officer in return for pardons for his two accomplices, his wife Pamela Glover and his longtime friend Victor Prinsi. In addition to the jail sentence, McClure also lost his driver's license."

"This one's for you, J.J." said Rob.

"Wish you were here." said Bison.

Rob opened his bag and took out a skateboard. He dropped it on the floor and started cruising through the concourse. At the entrance, he found Patrick holding up a skateboard deck with Rob's logo on it.

"Yo, Patrick." said Rob.

"Hey, Rob." said Patrick. "Welcome to Ireland. Heard about your boy J.J. Hope he's going to be okay."

"That's J.J." said Rob. "He always lands on his feet. So, are we doing this?"

"You bet. Come along." said Patrick.

Patrick led Rob and Bison outside to a gray Range Rover Sport.

"Now, I have to tell you." said Patrick. "The European Cannonball Run is a little different from the American Cannonball Run. It's run in stages. Every stage ends at a checkpoint where you rest for two hours before getting the directions to the next checkpoint. The race ends at the fourth checkpoint, which also happens to be the starting line this year."

Rob handed his skateboard to Patrick, who put it in the back of the Range Rover. "So, it's just us?" asked Bison.

"No, I invited someone else to come with us." said Patrick. "He's the guy I started boarding with and we ran last year's European Cannonball together. He should be here sooner or later."

Just then, Andy came racing into the parking lot on a motorcycle and swerved around several slower cars. He then ramped off of a pile of dirt and jumped a pair of parked cars.

"Christ." gasped Patrick. Rob and Bison took cover.

Andy spun out and stopped right next to the Range Rover. He then took off his helmet and howled.

"So, these are those two Yanks you ran with last year in America." he said to Patrick.

"Aye, that's them." said Patrick. "This is Rob Falcon and Big Bison. Guys, meet Andy Dunne."

"So, he does exist." said Bison as he shook Andy's hand.

"You've heard of me?" asked Andy.

"Patrick mentioned you a few times last year." said Rob as he shook Andy's hand.

"Nothing too bad, I hope." said Andy.

"No, not really." said Rob.

"Alright." said Andy. "So, you want to help me with my bike and we'll be off?"

"I guess." said Rob. He helped Andy pick the motorcycle back up and they hoisted it into the back of the Range Rover. "This is an old bike." said Rob.

"1957 BSA." said Andy.

They closed the rear hatch and Andy climbed into the driver's seat. Patrick took the front passenger seat and Bison got in back. Rob was climbing in when he noticed something odd. A young woman was pointing a video camera at them and then got into a silver Daihatsu.

Andy guided the Range Rover out of the airport and onto the streets of Dublin.

"Okay, what are we doing for the Cannonball?" asked Andy.

"Since Rob and Bison came all the way across the Atlantic for this," said Patrick "I thought we'd do something special."

"Maybe we should take advantage of the fact that we're all skateboarders." said Rob.

"Uh?" said Bison.

"Oh yeah, except for Bison." said Rob.

"Okay, we can run the race on skateboards." said Andy with a laugh.

"No, maybe we can do something else along those lines." said Patrick. "Like maybe we could reprise our first tour as we were trying to make it big."

"How'd you do that?" asked Rob. "I got into a Chevy Astro with some friends of mine and took off across the country."

"Andy and I did pretty much the same the same thing." said Patrick. "We took off around Ireland and Great Britain in a Citroen Berlingo, hitting all the skateboarding shows."

"We can do that." said Rob. "We'll get one of these Berlingos and ride around running hard."

"You do not want to do that." laughed Andy.

"Why not?" asked Bison.

"Because that is a Berlingo." said Patrick as he pointed out the window. He was pointing to a small van-like vehicle the approximate size of a Dodge Neon.

"Reminds me of my dorm room in college." said Bison.

"How did you guys survive?" asked Rob.

"Oh, we didn't live in it." said Patrick. "We just stored our camping gear in it while we were boarding. Maybe we can use your van instead."

"No chance. It'll never clear customs in time." said Rob.

"Wait, I know someone who has a van we can use." said Patrick. "But we have to go to Limerick to get it."

"I'm up for the drive." said Rob. "Let's go."

"Limerick it is." said Andy.

--

In London, Malcolm Gates sat before a commitee from the governing body for Formula One auto racing.

"Mister Gates." said one man. "Earlier this year, it came to light that you were involved in a betting operation surrounding Formula One. How do you respond to these allegations?"

"Absolute rot." said Malcolm. "I wouldn't bet on racing, especially when I myself are a participant."

"And why is that?" asked the man.

"Well, I've seen...heard of the goings on in illegal sports gambling." said Malcolm. "I've heard that many a time, enforcers will attempt to sabotage a participant's equipment, in this case my car, in an attempt to 'fix' the race, if you get what I mean."

"I believe I do." said the man.

"Other times, they might threaten a competitor's loved one in an effort to influence him to throw the race." said Malcolm.

"I see your point." said the man. "Now, how do you respond to the submission of evidence in this case?"

"What evidence?" asked Malcolm.

"Evidence of your participation in illegal sports gambling was submitted by driver Salvatore Moretti." said the man.

"Salvatore Moretti?" said Malcolm. "You mean the 'Sicilian Psychopath'?"

"He has supplied us with information that would seem to indicate that you were involved with illegal gambling." said the man.

"I can probably explain all that." said Malcolm.

"Save it." said the man. "The evidence is quite damning. We find it highly unlikely that there is any conclusion other than that you are involved with illegal gambling. As of now, you are barred from Formula 1."

"But..." started Malcolm.

"Good day." said the man.

--

The Range Rover was driving along the Shannon River. During a fuel stop, Patrick had taken over driving duties. Bison was riding shotgun and Andy was sitting in the back with Rob.

"What I'd like to do is found my own skateboarding organization." said Patrick. "Due to my country's history with England, some of my countrymen are razzing me for signing with a British organization. Otherwise, I prefer to invest in products that are either made by Irish companies or companies founded by the Irish."

"Says the guy who drives a British Range Rover." said Bison.

"It's built by Ford now." said Patrick.

The others laughed.

Rob looked over his shoulder. "Guys, I'm telling you that thing is following us." he said.

"What thing?" asked Andy.

"That silver Daihatsu Move." said Rob. "It's been following us since Dublin."

"Ooh, I think I might earn my pay." said Bison.

"How do you know what a Daihatsu Move is?" asked Andy.

"Gran Turismo." said Rob.

"I think you might be a little paranoid." said Patrick. "Lots of people go to Limerick every day, even from Dublin. And speaking of going to Limerick..."

He drove past a sign welcoming them to Limerick.

While Patrick navigated the town, Bison asked "Where are we going?"

"Well, these guys who have the van," said Patrick "they're musicians. They can usually be found at a certain pub when they aren't recording or touring or shooting a video. I'm almost certain they're right there now."

He pulled up in front of a local pub. "This is the place." he said.

"I'll stay with the truck." said Andy.

Patrick, Rob, and Bison climbed out and headed inside.

"Why didn't Andy come with us?" asked Rob.

"These musicians, he doesn't get on with them." said Patrick. "They did a song about him eight years ago and it wasn't too flattering. Oh, there's two of them now."

He motioned towards a pair of men. One had short, dark hair and a short beard. The other had spiked blonde hair and glasses.

"Is that who I think it is?" asked Rob.

"Quite possibly." said Patrick. "Hold on. I'll get them."

Patrick walked over and talked to the two men while Rob and Bison watched. After a few seconds of talking, Patrick led the two back to Rob and Bison.

"Here's the guys." said Patrick. "Rob Falcon and Big Bison from the States, meet Mike Hogan and Feargal Lawler from the Cranberries."

"So, you're the illustrious Rob Falcon I've heard of." said Mike, the bearded one.

"Patrick talked about the two of you doing the Cannonball last year." said Feargal, the bespectacled one.

"So, I understand you guys have a van." said Rob.

Out in the Range Rover, Andy played with the controls on the air conditioner. He then leaned on the seat and looked around. He spotted the silver Daihatsu Rob mentioned. He looked a little closer and saw the female driver pointing a video camera at him. He quickly dug into his back pocket and took out his cell phone.

"Patrick, this is Andy." he said. "That lass in the silver Daihatsu? She's filming us."

"Wait, what lass?" asked Patrick.

The woman spotted him and went for her car.

"She's making a run for it." said Andy. "I'm going after her."

"No, don't!" yelled Patrick.

Andy ignored him and climbed into the driver's seat. He started the truck and took off after the Daihatsu which was now trying to escape.

"Andy! Andy!" yelled Patrick into his cell phone. "Moron."

"I've got a car outside." said Mike. "We can go after him."

They started to move outside.

"Was that Andy Dunne?" asked Feargal.

"Sure was." said Rob. "He's in the truck with his 1957 BSA." Suddenly, something dawned on him and he laughed. "No way, Andy Dunne is 'Desperate Andy'?"

"Sure is." said Feargal.

Andy chased the Daihatsu through the streets of Limerick. The small car swerved into a side street, but it was no match for the larger, more powerful SUV.

"That's it, little lady." said Andy. "Let's see what your deal is."

"Andy, I'm not joking!" yelled Patrick into his cell phone. He and the others were in Mike's car. "Pull it over now!"

Rob laughed. "This Andy guy's got the mental capacity of a drummer." he said. "Oh, sorry, Feargal." he added when he saw Mr. Lawler glaring at him.

"I've almost got this girl." said Andy. "Just have to...WHOA!"

The girl's Daihatsu had stopped to avoid hitting a parked car and Andy swerved to avoid hitting her. Unfortunately, his swerve sent the Range Rover flying into the Shannon River. He screamed all the way in.

They all heard him scream through Patrick's cell phone. "Okay, when this guy is scared, that's bad." said Rob.

The Range Rover hit the water with a loud splash. The girl in the Daihatsu jumped out to survey the damage. A minute later, Mike's car came upon the scene.

Patrick walked to the edge and looked at his Range Rover in the river. He raised his cell phone to his ear and asked "Andy, are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I think so." said Andy. "Hold on, I'm getting out."

"No, stay put!" yelled Patrick. "Don't get out!"

"I've got the door handle." said Andy as he grabbed the door handle.

"Stay in the truck!" yelled Patrick. "Stay in the truck! Stay in the..."

Andy pulled the door handle. The Range Rover was quickly flooded.

Patrick ended the call, stormed away, and groaned "Bleeding idiot!"

--

In London, Malcolm walked out of the building for Formula One's governing body. He descended the steps to a red TVR Sagaris and his partner Ian Thomas leaning against it.

"So, how did it go?" asked Ian.

Malcolm turned around to face the building. "Arseholes!" he said. He turned back to Ian and said "Bloody arseholes."

"Not well, I take it." said Ian.

"They know everything." said Malcolm as he walked over to the TVR's driver's door.

"Bloody hell." said Ian.

"Relax, I don't think they know about your involvement." said Malcolm as he opened his door. "Mine was given up by Salvatore Moretti and a ban was the result."

"Salvatore Moretti? The Sicilian Psychopath?" asked Ian as he opened the passenger-side door.

Malcolm and Ian climbed into the car. "I think he just wanted to take out his frustration for not being able to run that vintage Italian hardware he likes so much." said Malcolm as he inserted the key in the ignition.

"Maybe if we can remove Moretti from the equation, the investigation will cease." said Ian as they fastened their seatbelts.

"Perhaps." said Malcolm. "But how are we going to do so?" He started the car.

"I can find out what he's doing this week and arrange it so we conveniently show up." said Ian as he held up his cell phone.

"Well, this might turn out to be a good day after all." said Malcolm. He put the car in gear and drove.

--

Patrick watched as rescue personel pulled his Range Rover out of the river. Bison had the girl from the Daihatsu in a half nelson. Andy stood nearby in his underpants while his soaked clothes laid on the ground next to him.

"Nice one, Andy." said Patrick.

"If it's any consolation," said Andy "I think my bike took it as well."

"No, actually, that survived." said the tow truck operator.

Rob turned to the girl. "You know, this is all your fault." he said.

"So what?" asked the girl.

"So what?" asked Rob. "You're following us around, videotaping us. Why?"

"I'm trying to get some footage for my website." she said.

"What website?" asked Bison.

"My Patrick Bannon website." said the girl. "I've got footage of all his activities. His skating meets, his publicity appearances, his hospital stays when he spills. Those are the best."

Bison tapped Rob on the shoulder and directed him away from the girl.

"What's up?" asked Rob.

"I think we may be dealing with an obsessed fan." said Bison.

"Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me." said Rob.

"I'll tell him." said Bison. "You try calming her down."

"Got it." said Rob. He walked back over to the girl. "So, I see you're into Patrick." he said.

"He's amazing, isn't he?" asked the girl.

"Yeah, I guess he is." said Rob. "So, what's your name?"

"Robin. Robin Corcoran." said the girl.

"Well, that name shouldn't be too hard for me to remember." said Rob.

"That's the good thing about being Irish." said Robin. "Your name is very easy to remember."

"No, I mean my name is Rob."

"Oh, I get it." said Robin.

"You want to bring her with us?" asked Bison. "Are you out of your mind?"

"She's got a video camera and she's a die-hard documentarist." said Patrick. "Besides, if she comes with me, it might get her over her obsession. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Does the name Mark David Chapman mean anything to you?" asked Bison.

"Relax." said Patrick. "Three big strong guys between me and her. I feel pretty confident. Come on."

He walked over to Rob and Robin. Andy joined him.

"Okay, I think we're ready to go." he said.

"Alright." said Rob.

"Andy, you're coming with us despite my better judgement." said Patrick. "We're bringing the girl, too."

"What?" yelled Rob and Andy simultaneously.

"What?" gasped Robin.

"I think I'd like to bring you along to film this journey." said Patrick. "Might even be more popular than my scrapes."

"Are you serious?" asked Rob.

"Very." said Patrick. "She's coming with us on the Cannonball."

"I suppose you'll be wanting that van now." said Mike.

"Please?" asked Patrick.

"Come with us." said Feargal.

The two cars pulled up in front of a house.

"Here's where we're keeping the van." said Mike.

"Now, let's go see about getting you those keys." said Feargal.

Rob and Bison looked around the back of the house. They found the van, an '89 Ford Transit.

"Is that it?" asked Rob.

"It looks like it." said Bison. "Doesn't look like the years have been kind to it."

"Or the owners." said Rob. "I think this thing could use some work."

Patrick came out of the house a few seconds later. "Okay, the van is ours." he said. "On top of that, we've got permission to do whatever we want with it."

"So, we can make this thing custom?" asked Rob.

"Sweet." said Bison.

"So, it's off to England." said Patrick.

"Right." said Rob. "Let's pick up the two psychos first."

--

In Uppsula, Sweden, a white Saab 9-3 Viggen pulled up to a traffic light. A garish green Opel Corsa with an Irmscher body kit pulled up next to him and the driver lowered his window.

"(Hey, I'll race you to the University.)" said the Opel's driver. "(Winner gets 100 Euros, okay?)"

The Saab's driver nodded back. The traffic light turned green and the two cars took off.

At the University, a group of computer technicians were working on a black Volvo C70 on the loading dock.

"(Did you know that thirty years ago, a computer like this took up an entire room this size?)" said a dark-haired man. "(Just ten years ago, it would have fit into the same space as a refrigerator.)"

"(And if we can squeeze this one into this car, I can die happy.)" said a blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman. Her nametag read "Marie Lindstrom".

The Opel started to pull ahead. The Saab kept up with him. They cut into a left turn and the Saab managed to take the lead.

"(The computer is one thing.)" said a blonde man. "(But these gadgets are making me think you've seen too many Bond films.)"

"(I got the idea from those two guys from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.)" said Marie.

"(I know, but some of these might compromise the safety of the vehicle.)" said the blonde man.

"(And to do that to a Volvo is quite an acomplishment.)" said a bearded man.

"(Okay, no gadgets.)" said Marie.

The Opel and Saab raced into the grounds of the University. The Saab was ahead by half a car length. It raced up to the parking lot and slid into a space. The Opel parked a few spaces away.

The driver climbed out of the Opel and said "(You think that's funny? You know what I'm going to do to you?)"

The driver's door of the Saab opened and a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and very muscular man climbed out. "(What?)" he asked.

The Opel driver looked at him nervously. "(Well, first I'm going to give you your hundred Euros.)" said the Opel driver. "(Then, I'm going to find someplace to hide.)"

"(That sounds like a good plan.)" said the Saab driver. The Opel driver gave him his money, then ran.

Marie sat in the front passenger seat of the Volvo. "(Are we ready for the first test run?)" she asked.

"(We should be.)" said the bearded man.

"(We had to remove the CD player and top-raising mechanism to fit the whole thing in.)" said the blonde man.

"(I've already downloaded my requisite music as MP3s.)" said Marie. "(And I think the car looks better with the top up.)"

"(Better aerodynamics too.)" said the dark-haired man.

"(Are we testing this thing?)" asked a brown-haired man.

"(Yes, turn it on.)" said Marie.

The technicians turned on the computer. It booted up within a minute. Marie took the keyboard and flipped a small monitor out of the car's sunvisor. She worked the keyboard and hacked into the University's security system. Onscreen, a student walking down the hallway was displayed.

"(It works!)" cheered Marie. "(We've successfully hacked into the security cameras.)"

"(Can you show more?)" asked the brown-haired man.

"(Let's see.)" said Marie. She started to work away on the keyboard again. Onscreen, the gymnasium was displayed, then the cafeteria, then the parking lot. The Saab was plainly visible and caught Marie's eye.

"(Is that..?)" asked the bearded man.

"(Yes.)" said Marie. "(My brother.)"

It was then that the Saab's driver walked into the loading dock. "(My sister is here?)" he asked.

"(Right here.)" said Marie. "(Guys, I'd like you to meet Per Lindstrom, my brother.)"

"(You mean Per Lindstrom, the rally driver?)" asked the dark-haired man.

"(One and the same.)" said Per.

"(Per is going to be driving in the race.)" said Marie. "(There will be professional drivers there, so we need someone with the skills to match.)"

"(Well, I can see he's the natural choice.)" said the bearded man. "(But why do you have to go?)"

"(Because I'm the only one who can work with Per.)" said Marie.

"(It's true.)" said Per. "(I would have won a couple of races had I not gotten into arguements with my navigators.)"

"(Over what?)" asked the blonde man.

"(Many different things.)" said Per. "(So, is this the car?)"

"(This is the car.)" said Marie. "(So, what do you think of it?)"

"(It looks nice.)" said Per. "(How does it run?)"

"(Oh, we haven't tested it out yet.)" said the brown-haired man.

"(We'll test drive it on the way to the airport.)" said Marie.

"(Airport? We're leaving now?)" asked Per.

"(If you want to make the race.)" said Marie.

Per walked over to the driver's side door, opened it, and said to the men "(With luck, your techinical prowess will combine with my driving skills and propel us to victory.)"

The technicians all waved as Per climbed into the car.

"(Now, I have to go over a few things about this car.)" said Marie.

"(Relax.)" said Per as he took the keys. "(All I have to do is drive, right? I'm an experienced racer. I know that it takes more to drive a race car than just knowing where to put the ignition key.)" He then aimed the key for the center console next to his leg, and briefly got confused when he didn't see the ignition. He looked up and found it on the side of the steering column. "(I normally drive a Saab.)" he embarrassedly explained as he started the car.

--

In Bordeaux, France, a blonde-haired man sat at the head of a table of businessmen while one of his partners delivered a long synopsis on a recent development project.

"(The tunnel project in Nice is proceeding without incident.)" said the partner. "(Completion is estimated in two months. Once that happens, there will be many locals in Nice whose daily commute will be much faster. What do you think, Monsieur Massarde?)"

The blonde-haired man was barely paying attention. "(What?)" he asked. "(Oh, sorry. Yes, that sounds like a good turn.)"

"(Are you alright, Pierre?)" asked a woman.

"Oui, oui." said Pierre. "(I'm just a little bored. This meeting is adjourned. I am going on vacation.)"

Pierre walked out of the boardroom. A dark-haired woman sat in a chair and checked a handheld electronic device.

"Monique?" asked Pierre. "(Are you ready to go?)"

"(All set.)" said the woman.

"(How did you make out just now?)" he asked.

"(Fine.)" said Monique. "(Where's Guillaume?)"

"(In the car.)" said Pierre.

In the parking garage, a tough-looking man sat in a black Peugeot 607 while techno music blasted over the stereo system. Pierre and Monique walked from the elevator to the car.

Pierre opened the door and climbed into the driver's seat. "Guillaume?" he asked.

"(Car is safe.)" said the tough guy as he turned off the radio and climbed out.

"(Good to hear.)" said Pierre.

Monique climbed into the front seat while Guillaume got in back.

"Monsieur Massarde." said Guillaume. "(Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?)"

"(Oh, relax.)" said Monique. "(It will be fun.)"

"Mais oui." said Pierre as he started the car. "(Make sure your seat belt is on.)"

Pierre pulled out of the space and raced for the exit.

"(Hang on tight.)" said Pierre. "(We have to be at the ferry by six.)"

"(I wonder if Salvatore will return this year.)" said Guillaume.

--

Somewhere outside of Messina, Sicily, a blue and white Lamborghini Gallardo police cruiser chased a yellow 1972 Ferrari 365GTC down a highway.

The driver of the Ferrari, Salvatore Moretti, looked over his shoulder and said "(Well, it's nice to see that the local constabulary cares about us.)"

His passenger and cousin Guiseppe Venicci said "(At least we know the chief will go easy on the pursuit. He loves Ferraris.)"

"(He probably sent the officer after us because we didn't get it in red.)" said Salvatore.

"(Can we make it to the ferry before he catches us?)" asked Guiseppe.

"(We'll see.)" said Salvatore.

The Ferrari raced through the hills with the Lamborghini keeping up effortlessly. A minute later, the cars reached the ferry landing. Unfortunately for Salvatore, the ferry was just leaving.

"(This is not good.)" said Guiseppe.

"(Not to worry.)" said Salvatore. He pushed the accelerator to the floor and aimed for the now raised ramp.

"(What are you going to do?)" asked Guiseppe.

"(Just make sure your seat belt is on and pray to whatever God you worship.)" said Salvatore.

"(Way ahead of you.)" said Guiseppe as he checked his seat belt with one hand and crossed himself with his other.

Salvatore kept racing for the ramp and took a deep breath. Guiseppe started to hyperventilate.

The Ferrari hit the ramp at about 60 miles per hour and flew over the sea towards the ferry. The V-12 engine was drowned out by Guiseppe screaming.

Within a few seconds, the car slammed onto the deck of the ferry and Salvatore immediately hit the brakes. The car came to a screeching halt mere inches from hitting a Fiat Punto.

Guiseppe howled with relief and started patting Salvatore on the arm with both hands. "(I was so scared with all that!)" he laughed.

"(You were scared?)" asked Salvatore. "(I was in the driver's seat and I was barely able to keep from crapping myself!)"

The two climbed out of the car and looked back at the ferry landing. The officer was standing at the top of the ramp looking at them in shock.

"(Look at him.)" said Salvatore. "(He is so mad right now.)"

"Si, si." said Guiseppe. He waved and yelled "Ciao! Arrivederci!"

"(Eat my dust!)" yelled Salvatore. He then put his fingers to his throat and raked them forward along his chin.

--

A silver Nissan 350Z sped through London. The car was affixed with a Reiger body kit and Wolfrace Lionhart rims. The hood and sides were adorned with blue stripes. On the sides were the words "Speed Zone" in letters that alternated between light blue and silver stripes.

A customized Volkswagen Polo had its rear hatch open while it was parked in a parking lot somewhere. The audio system in the back blasted a European techno song while those around held their ears. Nearby, a Nissan Almera had its rear hatch open and a rap song playing over its audio system. Near that, a Renault Clio had its hatch open. This one's audio system was playing The Jam's "A Town Called Malice".

The 350Z continued to make its way to the parking lot and pulled in. After it parked, the doors opened and two men, one white and one black, climbed out.

"Bollocks. It's Tony." said a woman with a Cockney accent.

"Welcome to the races, Tony my good man." said another man.

"Hey, what's the word?" asked Tony in his Californian accent.

"Once around the block, three thousand Euro buy-in." said the man.

"Alright, Caesar holds the cash." said Tony.

"Pay up, suckers." said Tony's African-American friend, Caesar.

Tony was first to pony up. The Cockney girl was next.

The third was a black Englishman. "You know what I'm running, right mate?" he asked.

"Sure do." said Tony.

"Okay, let's get out there." said the man who set up the race.

"Wait."

Another man ran over. "I had a power bill to pay, so I'm a little short on cash." he said. "However, I'm willing to put this up for a wager." He handed Caesar a piece of paper.

"Check that out, Caesar." said Tony. "I don't want to kick his ass and discover he wagered his phone bill."

"No, it's good." said Caesar as he checked the paper. "Hell, it's worth a lot more than three thousand quid."

"Quid?" asked Tony. "I think you've been living here too long."

"Okay, let's go." said the organizer.

Tony got back into his 350Z and fastened himself into his Corbeau CR1 seat. The Cockney girl got into a red Toyota Supra with yellow side stripes, a PSG body kit, and Team Dynamics Diablo rims.

The black Englishman got into a black Vauxhall VX220 with white and green tribal graphics and 100+ Jet rims.

The guy who wagered his "phone bill" slipped into a white Mazda RX-8 with blue and purple splash graphics, an ATH-Hinsberger X-Treme body kit, and Sport Dynamics Rimfire 6 rims.

The four cars drove up to a crosswalk at a London intersection. Tony had the far left position. Next to him was the Supra. The Vauxhall was next to her. The Mazda was on the far right.

The race organizer walked out in front of the cars and stood in the middle. He looked over the competitors and raised his hands. The racers revved their engines and waited for the organizer's signal. Then, without warning, the organizer dropped his hands.

Four pairs of tires dug into the pavement and sent the cars roaring down the street. The Nissan and Vauxhall took an early lead. The Supra and RX-8 weren't far behind.

"Not losing." said the guy in the Mazda. He threw the gearshift into the next gear and pushed the nitrous button. He quickly moved into first.

"Bad timing." said Tony. He changed the position of his hands on the steering wheel to make the upcoming turn. He hit the turn and quickly turned the wheel to the left.

The other three cars made the turn, but the Mazda was going so fast due to its nitrous shot, it went over the curb and took out a police call box.

"Blast." muttered the driver.

"Blimey, he took out the TARDIS." said the Vauxhall's driver.

The Supra's driver took the opportunity to move into the lead since she managed to cut the turn closer than the others.

Tony shifted back into the gear he downshifted from to make the turn. He started to catch up to the Supra, but the Mazda was gaining as well.

"Not screwing this one up." said the Mazda's driver. He steered into the next turn with the other cars and made it into first. Tony made it through the turn as well and held onto second while the Supra dropped into third. The Vauxhall remained in last.

"Bloody Hell." groaned the Supra's driver.

Tony tried passing the Mazda, but the driver managed to cut him off each time.

"Not this time." said the Mazda driver.

"That's it. Ignore the turn." said Tony.

The cars went into the final turn and raced for the finish. Tony managed to cut the turn tighter than the Mazda did and took the lead. However, the Mazda managed to stay with him. The Supra and Vauxhall were relegated to battling for not last.

"Here's where it ends." said Tony.

The Mazda started to catch up with him. The driver hit the nitrous again and regained the lead. "See you at the finish, lad." he said.

"This is what I was waiting for." said Tony. He hit the nitrous in the Nissan and regained the lead. Just as he'd anticipated, the Mazda's nitous tank ran dry. The Nissan crossed the finish line half a second ahead of the Mazda.

"Yeah!" yelled Tony.

"Shite!" yelled the Mazda driver. He then let out a loud groan.

Tony brought the car to a halt and returned to the cheering crowd. The Mazda, Supra, and Vauxhall followed. He climbed out and took a victory pose.

"Alright, who's up for another race?" asked the organizer.

"So, what's the take?" asked Tony as he walked over to Caesar.

"Factoring in the 3000 Euro entry," said Caesar "you made back your original investment, plus the 6000 from two of your opponents and the guy's 'phone bill'."

Caesar handed it to Tony. He looked at it. "Wait, this isn't a phone bill."

"It sure isn't." said Caesar. "It's an invitation to the European Cannonball Run."

"Wow." said Tony. "Wait, there's a European Cannonball Run?"

AN:So, what do you think of these guys?


	3. Half The Fun

Cannonball Run 2007: Europe 

Chapter 3: Half the Fun

On the ferry from Ireland, Rob and Patrick's team went over the Transit cleaning the interior and fixing the engine.

Rob sat in the driver's seat and wiped down the dashboard and steering wheel with an Armor All cloth. Bison walked over and sat next to him. "Hey, you know how this van used to belong to the Cranberries?" he asked. "Guess what I found in back?"

"The couch from the first two album covers?" asked Rob.

"No, Noel's guitar pick." said Bison as he held up the pick.

"Cool." said Rob. "You should hold onto that."

"Will do." said Bison. He tucked it into his cap.

AN:Starting here, try to imagine this shot as seen through Robin's video camera.

"Okay," said Patrick as Robin trained her camera on him "I've got the new intake installed. The oil and coolant have been topped off. I think we're ready for a test fire."

"Got it." said Rob.

Patrick turned to Robin and asked "You want to put that down and lend a hand?"

Robin shook her head with the rest of the camera.

AN:And back to normal view.

Rob turned the key. The engine quickly turned over. "Yeah!" he said.

Andy jumped off the roof and landed next to Patrick. "I'm beginning to see the appeal of this." he said.

"The ferry's docking soon." said Patrick as he closed the hood. "I think we should all get seated."

"I'm on it." said Robin as she lowered her camera.

Bison climbed into the back of the van and Robin replaced him in the passenger seat. Andy and Patrick took their seats opposite of Bison. They all fastened their seatbelts.

"You know where we're going, right?" asked Andy.

"Surrey Castle, Dorset." said Rob. "Okay, before we go, I have an announcement to make."

"What's that?" asked Patrick.

Rob turned to his teammates and said in his best Keanu Reeves voice "Nobody panic. There is a bomb in the Transit van."

The team laughed as Rob put the van into gear and drove off the ferry.

----------

In London, Tony's 350Z was parked in front of an auto parts shop. The sign for the shop read "Speed Zone" and matched the signage on his car.

Inside, Tony talked with a brown-haired woman in her twenties. "I'm going to be gone for a few days." he said. "Until I get back, you're in charge. If you have any major concerns, you have my cell phone number."

"You sound like you're taking quite a vacation." said the British woman. "Are you sure this place will be alright without you?"

"I have absolute confidence in you, Sandy." said Tony. "I've seen you manage during high traffic days. I know you can handle this. Now, I must earn some honor and glory for the shop and I bid thee farewell."

He gave Sandy and brief hug and turned to leave.

"Fare thee well, my liege." she said.

Caesar sat in the passenger seat of the Z-car and talked on his cell phone. "Yeah, that sounds shocking. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be fine. Hold on, Tony's coming. I'll catch you later, Marcie."

He folded up his cell phone as Tony climbed into the car.

"I tell you what I like about Sandy while we're on the subject." said Tony. "Most British women speak British, she speaks Jane Austen. So, who were you talking on the phone with?"

"Marcie Thatcher." said Caesar. "One of her fellow Cannonballers was arrested after the race. She also said another fellow Cannonballer was coming here to race."

"Maybe we'll see him." said Tony as he started the car.

Caesar looked at the window to the shop and saw Sandy wink at them. He then looked at Tony who winked back.

"What is it with you and Sandy?" asked Caesar.

"You're sharp." said Tony. "Figure it out."

----------

On a ferry from France, Pierre, Monique, and Guillaume made their way to Pierre's Peugeot.

"(The way I figure it, we can be at the castle in maybe three hours.)" said Pierre as he opened the door. "(After we're registered, we can attend the party and size up the competition.)"

"(I'd love to see who's returning and who the new faces are.)" said Guillaume as he climbed into the back seat.

Monique buckled her seat belt and took out her electronic device.

"(Can't you go one day without checking the stock market?)" asked Guillaume.

"(Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.)" said Monique.

Pierre put the car into gear as the ramp lowered and drove off onto an English roadway.

A few minutes later, he asked Monique "(So, how do you like England so far?)"

"(I think I can form a better opinion if we weren't going so fast.)" she replied nervously.

A loud roar overcame them as a glint of yellow appeared in Pierre's rearview and pulled alongside them. A high-pitched horn caught Pierre's attention and he lowered his window.

"Bonjour, Salvatore!" he called.

"Nice to see you returned, Pierre!" replied Salvatore. "Back for another round?"

"Mais oui." said Pierre.

"We are always ready." said Guillaume.

"If you say so!" said Guiseppe. He laughed as Salvatore raced off ahead of them.

"(Monique, you have just met Italian race car driver Salvatore Moretti.)" said Pierre.

"(What does he think this is? A classic car rally?)" asked Monique.

"(To Salvatore, it's always a classic car rally.)" said Guillaume.

"(You should have seen the Pantera he ran with last year.)" said Pierre.

----------

In London, Ian walked down a sidewalk and checked his watch. He stopped next to an empty parking space. Malcolm pulled into it a few seconds later. Ian walked over to the passenger side door of the TVR and climbed in.

"What's the deal?" asked Malcolm.

"Moretti is taking part in an international road race called the Cannonball Run Europe." said Ian.

"When does that start?" asked Malcolm.

"Tomorrow at noon, but they're taking registrations as late as sundown today." said Ian.

"Where?" asked Malcolm.

"Surrey Castle, Dorset." said Ian.

Malcolm checked his watch. "Not a problem." he said.

He pulled out of the space and entered daily London traffic.

"So, what's the plan?" asked Ian.

"I'll confront Salvatore during the preliminaries." said Malcolm. "If he doesn't budge, I'll track him down and ensure his testimony is permanently scratched. Preferably, some model of vintage Italian sports car will become more valuable in the process."

"Quick and devious." said Ian. "I like it."

----------

Another ferry was docking. This one came from Germany.

Heidi stood by the restroom and said "(Are you going to be much longer?)"

"(I'm not coming out.)" said Gretchen from the restroom.

"(Come on, I won't laugh.)" said Heidi.

Gretchen let out a groan and left the restroom. She was wearing a purple jumpsuit and contacts in place of her glasses. "(I think you take this racing thing a little too seriously.)" she said as they went to their car.

"(This from someone who takes everything too seriously.)" said Heidi. "(Lighten up! This is a vacation!)"

"(To you, it's obviously something more.)" said Gretchen.

"(It is.)" said Heidi. "(There is much more to the Cannonball than just fast driving and running free. You get to see old friends and make new ones. In the European race, many nationalities are represented.)"

"(You're going to have to introduce me to the regulars.)" said Gretechen as they entered the car deck. "(I'd be interested in meeting these friends of yours.)"

"(You're going to love Andy.)" said Heidi as she opened the door to their Porsche. "(He's quite a character. His friend Patrick, not so much.)"

"(I'll take you up on that.)" said Gretchen as they climbed into the car. "(What is he like?)"

"(Well, let me tell you on the way.)" said Heidi as she started the car.

----------

Back in London, the Volvo was unloaded from a plane at Heathrow Airport.

The Lindstroms were at the customs office. Per leaned against the window and looked at the car while Marie talked with the female customs official.

"As you can see from this document," said Marie "we have clearance from the airport in Stockholm to leave with the car since they inspected it there."

"I see." said the official. "Can you tell me what's so special about this car that you went through the trouble of bypassing normal procedure?"

"It's for a special meeting of automobiles." said Marie.

"Excuse me." said the official. "Sir, I'd prefer if you didn't lean against the glass like that. We have safety concerns."

Per didn't move.

"(This lady would like you to step away from the glass.)" said Marie. "(She says there's safety concerns in mind.)"

Per looked at her and stepped away from the glass.

"Sorry, my brother doesn't speak English." said Marie. Per looked at her annoyed.

"If it's any consolation, my brother doesn't speak Swedish." said the official. "Okay, your papers appear to be in order. You may leave with your motor."

"Thank you." said Marie. "(Per, she says we can go now.)"

Per walked towards the stairs looking cross. Marie looked at him in confused concern.

----------

Malcolm drove down the highway towards Surrey.

"When we get to the starting line for the Cannonball," said Ian "we'll have to find Salvatore and get him to drop his claim."

"Unfortunately, I don't see that happening." said Malcolm. "You know how crazy Salvatore is. I seriously doubt any threat I can give him would make him budge. However, it wouldn't hurt to try."

Not far behind him, Tony raced along in his Z-Car. Bon Jovi's "Living On A Prayer" was playing over the stereo.

"I still can't believe we're taking part in a European Cannonball Run." said Caesar.

"I still can't believe there is a European Cannonball Run." said Tony. "Hey, I was thinking. Most of my races take place in the big city. I might need some practice for the highway."

"Okay, let's do it." said Caesar.

"Just warning you." said Tony.

He pushed the accelerator to the floor and began swerving around slower traffic. Soon, he blew past Malcolm's TVR.

"What the hell was that?" asked Ian.

"Looks like a riced-out Zed Car." said Malcolm. "Let's show him how a professional does it."

He immeditately upshifted and accelerated.

"Uh oh, looks like we got competition." said Caesar.

"TVR Sagaris." said Tony. "A challenge."

Malcolm managed to pull alongside Tony and keep pace. Tony tried to outrun him, but Malcolm was able to stay with him.

The two cars swerved around numerous others. At the next straightaway, Tony took the lead.

The Transit van was just down the road from them.

AN:This part would also be seen from the POV of Robin's camera.

"And after that, I found myself looking at a lucrative shoe deal." said Rob as he drove.

"So, you'd say you're a shoegazer." said Robin.

"No, I wouldn't." said Rob.

AN:Back to normal view.

The TVR and Nissan both swerved around the van. Malcolm got a good look at Robin in the passenger seat.

"Hey, check out this bird." said Malcolm.

He started making eyes at her as Ian leaned over to see what he was talking about. Robin saw his advances and responded with an extended middle finger.

"The bird flipped you the bird." laughed Ian.

On the other side, Caesar looked up at Rob and said "Holy crap, it's Rob Falcon!"

Tony leaned across the seat and looked. "Hey, it is." he said.

"Watch this guy." said Caesar.

Tony slowed down to avoid rear-ending a Peugeot. Malcolm then took back the lead.

"Goodbye." he said.

Tony managed his way around the Peugeot and took after Malcolm. Malcolm swerved around a large truck, then cut in front of it. Unfortunately, he was too close and the truck driver swerved to avoid him. In the process, he managed to flip the truck on its side.

A woman in a Rover 200 was right behind him and got on her brakes. However, she failed to stop in time and plowed into the truck's undercarriage.

Tony and Rob were a little luckier and managed to stop. "Shit." said Tony as he and Caesar undid their seat harnesses.

Rob and his team jumped out of the van. Robin left her camera in the seat.

Tony and Caesar jumped out of the Z-car. "You check that bird in the Rover!" said Tony. "I'll get the guy in that lorry!"

"And you say I'VE been living here too long!" said Caesar.

Caesar ripped open the door to the Rover. The woman in the driver's seat had some cuts on her cheek from the airbag, but was otherwise uninjured. She was quite disoriented, however.

"You okay?" asked Caesar as Patrick came to help him.

Tony searched for a way to climb to the top of the truck, only to discover the windshield popped out in the collision. He stepped through as Rob ran in.

"Hey, buddy." said Tony. "How bad is it?"

The truck driver mumbled something incoherantly.

"I think he broke his jaw." said Rob.

"That or he's from Liverpool." said Tony. "You got a cell phone?"

"Yeah." said Rob.

"Call 9-1-1." said Tony.

"Got it." said Rob as he took out his phone and started dialling.

"He's calling 9-1-1." said Tony. "9-1-1? Wait! Call 9-9-9!"

"What?" asked Rob.

"Three nines!" said Tony. "That's the emergency number here! Call that!"

"Oh!" said Rob as he dialled.

----------

Salvatore pulled into the grounds of Surrey Castle. Several other high-performance automobiles were parked around. He pulled his Ferrari into a space in front of an Alfa Romeo GT and climbed out.

"(Ah, Surrey Castle.)" he said.

"(Would you say this is better or worse than Slane Castle from last year?)" asked Guiseppe as he climbed out.

"(They both have their benefits and drawbacks.)" said Salvatore.

They entered the castle and walked up to a couple of race officials.

"Ah, Salvatore." said one of them, a British woman. "We've been expecting you."

"What are you running this year?" asked the other, a Welshman.

"1972 Ferrari 365GTC." said Guiseppe.

"A classic." said the man. "We're going to need you to finish this form. Also, your countrymen are waiting in the lounge."

"Grazi." said Salvatore. "I'll get this to you soon as I can."

He walked off to the lounge. His face lit up as he entered.

"Salvatore!" yelled one guy.

"Paisans!" said Salvatore. "(Are we going to show these guys how it's done?)"

"(Of course we are.)" said a blonde woman. "(We almost gave them a perfect display last year.)"

"(I'll take the blame for that.)" said a dark-haired man. "(I held us up a little when the clutch on my Lancia blew.)"

"(Tell me you got that fixed, Vincenzo.)" said Guiseppe.

"Si, si." said Vincenzo. "(She runs much better now.)"

----------

Per drove down the highway out of London and was forced to merge into a bottleneck.

"(Traffic's getting thicker.)" said Marie. "(Something must have happened up ahead.)"

Per ignored her.

"(Hopefully, it's not serious.)" said Marie.

Per still ignored her.

"(Would you like to tell me what's bothering you?)" asked Marie. "(You haven't said a word to me since we left the airport.)"

"(In what language?)" asked Per.

"(What?)" asked Marie.

"(I head what you said to the customs official.)" said Per. "My brother doesn't speak English. (I may not know what the individual words mean, but I know what the sentence means.)"

"(Per, you know I didn't mean that...)" said Marie.

"(What?)" asked Per. "(You mean you don't mean to imply I'm stupid?)"

"(Of course not.)" said Marie. "(I did some work in the United States a couple of years ago. Many of them refused to take me seriously because of the hair. Apparently, in America, blonde means dumb.)"

"(So, what is it you're saying?)" asked Per.

"(I'm saying I'm sorry.)" said Marie. "(Now, can we at least try to keep from killing each other?)"

"(Fine.)" said Per.

They drove past the accident site. The Rover was being loaded onto a flatbed truck while a wrecker was pulling the other truck back onto its wheels.

"(My God.)" said Marie.

"(I'm glad we weren't caught in that.)" said Per.

The drivers of the Rover and truck were in an ambulance being interviewed by the local constable and his deputy. The Rover driver was holding a section of gauze against her scratched-up cheek. The truck driver was laid out in a gurney. He had a dislocated shoulder, a broken leg, several cracked ribs, and as Rob had predicted, a broken jaw. (Although Tony's assessment was also correct and he was from Liverpool.)

A little further back, the Transit van and 350Z were parked at the side of the road. The two groups stood around talking.

"Get out, you know Jill and Marcie?" asked Tony.

"Yeah, we raced against each other last year." said Rob.

"I spoke with Marcie on the phone." said Caesar. "She said you'd be coming. Sorry about your friend J.J."

"Yeah, hopefully he can get through this problem." said Bison.

The constable walked over and said "I need to speak to the driver of that Zed-car."

Everybody looked at Tony. "I'll talk to you guys in a bit." he said. He walked off with the constable.

They stopped walking when they reached his deputy.

"Okay, this will go much better if we have names." said the constable. "I'm Constable Leeds. This is Deputy Porter. He will be taking notes and if all works out, will have my job someday. So, lad, what's your name?"

"Tony."

"Your full name, you prat." said Leeds.

"Tony Basilotta." said Tony. This raised a couple of eyebrows from Leeds and Porter. "Yeah, I know. Like the 80s pop singer."

"Several of the witnesses we've talked to say you were racing with the guilty party just before the accident." said Leeds.

"I'm sorry to admit that's true." said Tony.

"We have some descriptions from the witnesses." said Leeds. "They all say it was a red sports car. One said the occupants were a white man and a black man and another gave me a partial plate number."

"It was a TVR Sagaris." said Tony. "I didn't think he was going to pull a move like that."

"Unless you're psychic, don't assume what another man is thinking." said Leeds. "So, you admit to racing with the man responsible for this mess. Unfortunately, that means you're partially responsible yourself. Therefore, I'm going to ask you to help us track down this man."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" asked Tony.

"Find a way." said Leeds.

"What happens if I don't find him?" asked Tony.

"Then, you shall be arrested and jailed in his place." said Leeds. "And while we're at it, we'll also be taking a look at what else you might be responsible for. And just so we know where to come looking for you, we have a little surprise in the car."

He turned to Porter who was singing to himself. "Oh Mickey, you're so fine. You're so fine, you blow my mind." He looked up and noticed them looking at him.

"Porter, get the beacon out of the car." said Leeds.

Porter turned away embarrassed and walked to a Vauxhall Omega police car.

"He's going to..." said Tony.

"...have my job someday." said Leeds. "Scary, isn't it?"

Porter took a small electronic device out of the police car. "What am I putting this on?" he asked.

"The Nissan." said Leeds.

Porter walked over to the Z-Car, turned a key on the device, and stuck it in the car's wheelwell. He then pulled the key.

"What is that thing?" asked Tony.

"That's a tracking device with a powerful magnet built in." said Leeds. "The magnet is switched on and off using a key which Porter now has on his person. Without that key, nothing short of a sharp yank will get that thing off the car."

"How much time are you giving me?" asked Tony.

"Three days." said Leeds. "You have exactly seventy-two hours starting now. Good luck."

"No problem." said Tony. He turned to go back to the Transit van and muttered "Damn."

----------

Heidi and Gretchen entered Surrey Castle. They found Pierre signing in.

"(Perhaps my new car will do some good in this year's race.)" said Pierre.

"(I would hope so.)" said Guillaume. "(Transylvania was not a good place to blow an engine last year.)"

"(Maybe you should use an automatic.)" said Heidi in French. "How are you, Pierre?"

"Nice to see you came back, Heidi." said Pierre. "Johan didn't join you this year?"

"Nien, he had a race at Hockenheim." said Heidi. "This is Gretchen Steinberg. She'll be joining me. Gretchen, meet Pierre Massarde."

"The businessman." said Gretchen. "I've heard about you."

As they shook hands, Pierre said "Then, you've heard about Guillaume here."

"I'm Monique, by the way." said Massarde's female companion. She shook hands with Heidi.

"First Cannonball?" asked Heidi.

"Yes, and for some reason, I'm less anxious about it than Guillaume." said Monique.

"Oh, I guess Guillaume didn't tell you about last year." said Heidi.

"I guess he has to now." laughed Monique.

"Come, let's go." said Guillaume as he grabbed Monique's arm and dragged her towards the lounge.

"Ja, we have to go as well." said Heidi.

"See you at the party." said Pierre.

"Hey, Guillaume!" cheered Salvatore as Guillaume entered the lounge.

"(It's kind of hard to believe just over sixty years ago, our countries were shooting at each other.)" said Heidi.

"(Here's to peace.)" said Gretchen.

----------

Tony and Patrick drove into the Surrey Castle grounds.

"We're screwed." said Tony. "We're screwed. We're screwed. We're screwed."

"You wanna lighten up?" yelled Caesar.

"I'd like to." said Tony. "But apparently, you don't realize the monumental task ahead of me. And if I fail, I'm off to the slammer. Not only that, but the police are probably going to go through the shop's records. Just about every street racer in London has bought something there, even just window cleaner."

"So, you're saying the fuzz are going to get wind of it all." said Caesar. "Maybe we can find the other driver and avert disaster."

"Yeah, right." said Tony as he eased the Nissan into a parking space. "How the hell am I going to find one red TVR in southern England within 72 hours?"

He then looked ahead at the car he parked behind. He was pleasantly surprised that it was Malcolm's TVR.

"That was a freebie." said Caesar.

They got out of the car and looked at the TVR. "Get the plate number." said Tony.

Rob and Patrick had also walked over to the TVR. "Yeah, that's the bastard who caused the accident." said Rob.

"Let's go see if we can get him." said Patrick.

The racers entered the castle. They saw the race officials and Malcolm and Ian standing nearby.

"That's him." said Tony. "I'd know that mug anywhere."

"Careful, he might recognize you too." said Andy.

Just then, Salvatore walked out of the lounge. "Forms completed, one hundred percent." he announced as he handed the paper to the officials. Then, he noticed the men standing nearby. "Well, well, well." he said. "Fancy meeting you here, Malcolm."

"I thought you'd be surprised, Salvatore." said Malcolm. "I think you can guess why I'm here."

"Unless it's the same reason I am, enlighten me." said Salvatore.

"I want you to drop your testimony in my gambling case." said Malcolm. "If you don't do so, there will be disastrous consequences."

"Vehicular consequences." said Ian.

"HA!" said Salvatore. Malcolm and Ian jumped in shock. "You could never keep up with me on the straightaways. What makes you think you can take me on the road?"

"You'd better watch yourself, Salvatore." said Malcolm. "It's that little extra bit of hubris that will get you killed."

"Can you say that again, Malcolm?" asked Salvatore. "I just love how you say 'hubris'."

"Who's that guy talking to him?" asked Bison.

"I dunno." said Caesar. "He looks familiar. Both do."

Robin pointed to the Brit and said "Malcolm Gates." She then pointed to the Italian and said "Salvatore Moretti, the Sicilian Psychopath." She then turned to Patrick and said "I follow Formula 1."

"You know, maybe we'll settle this on the tarmac!" said Malcolm.

"Alright, I will!" said Salvatore.

"I'll see you at the starting line!" said Malcolm as he and Ian stormed into the lounge.

Salvatore yelled something in Italian and gave him the Fist of Fury. He then followed into the lounge.

"I think we should talk to Salvatore." said Tony.

"Good idea." said Caesar. "They obviously have some history."

"Might as well sign in." said Tony.

They walked up to the officials. "Welcome to the race." said the Welshman. "Can I have your names?"

"Tony Basilotta, Caesar King." said Tony.

"Hometown London...by way of L.A." said Caesar.

"So, what's a couple of yanks like you doing here?" asked the woman.

"You have to ask?" asked Caesar.

----------

Within hours, the party was underway.

A disk jockey stood behind a turntable and played some techno music. Many of the Cannonballers were up and dancing.

The Italian racers had grouped together and were having an almost separate celebration. Salvatore and Guiseppe were among them.

"Are you sure you can get the information out of this Salvatore?" asked Caesar.

"Hey, these are my people." said Tony. "You see how they're pulled together."

"Alright." said Caesar. "See what you can dig up. Have fun."

"Got it." said Tony. He walked off to join the Italians. "Hey, what's up?" he asked them. "Does it matter if I wasn't born in Italy?"

A couple of drivers grabbed him and pulled him into the fold.

"Easy, I'm in a committed relationship." he said.

"I'm going to see if there's anyone else here who's smart." said Caesar.

----------

Pierre regaled a pair of drivers with stories of the previous year's race.

Monique walked up to him and said "(I need a moment of privacy.)" She held up her electronic device for effect.

Pierre took out his room card key and handed it to her. "(You can have the room.)" he said.

"Merci." said Monique as she took the key.

----------

Heidi and Gretchen walked through the crowd, pausing to greet various racers.

That's when they ran into Andy. "Well, hello, ladies." he said.

"Oh, this is the guy I was talking about." said Heidi.

"Oh, this is Andy Dunn?" asked Gretchen. "Heidi has told me so much about you."

"Matt, how are you?" asked Heidi as she went to him.

"So, Heidi has told you about me." said Andy.

Gretchen looked at him stunned. "Oh, yes. Yes, she has." she said.

"Nothing bad, I hope." said Andy.

"Not really." said Gretchen. She tried to look away and gritted her teeth.

"So, what are you driving?" asked Andy. "Was it that Opel Speedster I saw out there?"

"Nien, the white Porsche Cayman." said Gretchen.

"Oh, the Cayman." said Andy.

"Ja, the Cayman." said Gretchen.

"Are you alright?" asked Andy.

"Look, I don't know how you survived last year." said Gretchen. "Someone doesn't just perform a run like this, fall off the ferry dock, speed between two trucks, annoy the French police, and I don't remember what else and come off sane!"

"I can fill in the blanks." said Andy.

Heidi returned. "That Matt loves to talk. Come." she said as she pulled Gretchen away.

"Hey, we were talking!" said Andy.

"(So, what did you think of Andy?)" asked Heidi.

"(Let's try to stay as far from him as possible.)" said Gretchen.

----------

The Lindstroms sat at a nearby table looking at a Swedish-English language guide.

"(Try it.)" said Marie.

"(Okay.)" said Per. "We...are...driving...the...car...black."

"(That's great.)" said Marie. "(But in English, they put the adjective before the noun.)"

"(Well, I'm getting there.)" said Per.

Caesar walked over. "Hey, aren't you Marie Lindstrom?" he asked.

"Yes." said Marie. "You know of me?"

"Are you kidding?" asked Caesar. "You're all over numerous technical magazines from all over Europe."

"Really." said Marie.

"(I'll leave you two alone.)" said Per. He got up and walked over to the other drivers.

"So, maybe you should try your stuff in the U.S." said Caesar.

"I'd rather not." said Marie. "I tried it once. It wasn't a very pleasant experience."

----------

Malcolm and Ian snuck through the crowd.

"Well, it doesn't look like we're going to get to Salvatore at the party." said Malcolm. "He and his fellow Italians have set up a close-knit group."

"So, we take him on the road." said Ian. "Maybe I should double my insurance just in case."

"Yeah, there you are." said Rob.

"Aye, that's him." said Robin. "I'd know that smug look anywhere."

"Hey, it's the bird who flipped you off." said Ian.

"How'd he know your name was Robin?" asked Rob.

"Oh, that's right." said Bison. "In England, they call chicks birds."

He and Rob looked at each other like they made a major discovery while Robin looked at them both annoyed.

"We saw what you did on the motorway." said Patrick. "Pretty callous running from the scene of a serious wreck you caused. What I'd like to know is if you plan on owning up to your mishap or if you'd like to keep running like a scared little kid."

"Just what are you going to do about it?" asked Malcolm.

"You do realize that we can get you in touch with a rather pissed off British constable, right?" asked Rob. "He definitely wants a word with you."

"I see." said Malcolm. "Well, I'd best be off. I've got drivers to mingle with."

He turned and walked into another guest who spilled her drink on Guillaume. They both looked at Malcolm in shock. He just walked away embarrassed.

Guillaume sighed, then walked over to Pierre. "(I have to go back to the room and change.)" he said. "(Are you going to be alright by yourself?)"

"Does anyone in this room want to hurt me?" yelled Pierre.

"No!" came the overwhelming response.

"(I'm good.)" said Pierre. "(Monique is in the room. She'll let you in.)"

"(See you soon.)" said Guillaume.

Guillaume walked off to the rooms. He passed Marie and Casesar on his way.

"I tried to ply my trade in America." said Marie. "But they see the blonde hair, the blue eyes, they hear the Swedish accent, they think I'm supposed to be some kind of bubblehead. I'm telling you, Americans can be so superficial."

"Hey, you'll get no arguement from me." said Caesar. "I went to a predominantly white high school and made the basketball team twice. I didn't even try out."

----------

In the room, Monique checked the device.

"(Come on.)" she said. "(Tell me something good.)"

The device continued to run, then beeped. She looked at the LCD screen in shock.

"Merde!" she yelled.

----------

Guillaume made his way to the room and knocked on the door. "Monique?" he asked. "(I'm coming in.)"

"(Uh, not now!)" said Monique. "(I'm a little busy! I'm not decent!)"

Guillaume tested the door and found it was unlocked.

"(Don't come in!)" yelled Monique.

It was too late. Guillaume opened the door. He was shocked to see Monique holding a hypodermic needle in her right hand and about to inject it into her left arm.


	4. Lost In England

Cannonball Run 2007: Europe 

Chapter 4: Lost In England

AN:Special thanks go out to Anthony for a few suggestions where I was blocked.

"(What are you doing?)" yelled Guillaume.

"(It's not what it looks like!)" said Monique.

"(Well, it looks like you're shooting up!)" said Guillaume as he slammed the door.

"(Please, I need to take this!)" pleaded Monique.

"(Oh yeah?)" asked Guillaume. "(Why is that?)"

"(Because if I don't take this insulin, I could die!)" said Monique.

"(Insulin?)" asked Guillaume. He saw a medicine bottle on the end table. He picked it up, examined it, and realized it was in fact a bottle of insulin. "(You're diabetic?)" he asked calmly.

Monique picked up her electronic device and said "(This doesn't monitor the stock market. It monitors my blood sugar levels.)"

"(How long has this been going on?)" asked Guillaume.

"(Since last year.)" said Monique. "(I called Pierre about it just after you two broke down in Romania.)"

"(It was Transylvania specificly and I don't want to talk about it.)" said Guillaume.

"(Now, if you'll excuse me, I hate this part.)" said Monique. She moved the needle towards her arm.

Guillaume cringed and turned away.

"(What? You'll break a guy's nose, but this unnerves you?)" said Monique as she removed the needle from her arm.

----------

"That sounds very interesting." said Marie. "I think I'll take a look at that tomorrow before the race."

"Alright, see you then." said Caesar.

He got up and walked away. He came face-to-face with Per. Per just stared him down.

"Chill." said Caesar. "Chill!"

The two rotated around each other, then parted ways. Per went to sit with his sister.

"(Who was that?)" he asked.

"(He's one of a pair of American street racers.)" said Marie. "(He and his friend have been living in London for the past five years running a performance parts shop. They've also got a tracking device planted on their car by a police officer due to them being involved in some kind of car accident.)"

"(What does 'chill' mean?)" asked Per.

"(It's American slang for 'relax', 'be calm'.)" said Marie.

Per thought about it. "Chill." he said.

----------

Caesar walked over to the Italian group. He found Tony sitting on the back of a seat while Guiseppe held a long, operatic note.

"What's he singing?" asked Caesar. "Verdi? Puccini?"

"Rossdale." said Tony.

Guiseppe stopped holding the note, took a couple of seconds to catch his breath, then bellowed "Glycerine! Glycerine!"

"Caesar, meet the guys." said Tony. "This is Vincenzo."

Vincenzo flashed a peace sign.

"This is Ferruccio." said Tony.

A dark-haired man with a moustache waved.

"This is Enzo and his son Dino." said Tony.

A brown-haired man smiled and a younger man who looked something like him gave a thumbs-up.

"And these are the Agnelli sisters." said Tony.

A blonde woman waved while a brown-haired woman next to her winked.

"Hold on, I gotta talk business." said Tony as he joined Caesar. They walked away.

"So, what did you find out about this Gates guy?" asked Caesar.

"According to Salvatore, he's a British Formula 1 driver." said Tony. "He was recently banned due to his involvment in a betting scandal and threatened Sal a couple of hours ago. Apparently, Sal was the one who reported him to the governing body."

"Whoa, you think Gates is that desperate?" asked Caesar. "You think he's going to attack Salvatore on the blacktop?"

"We've already seen him pull a hit and run." said Tony. "He could be capable of anything."

"What about us?" asked Caesar. "He knows our car. He probably thinks we're onto him."

"Half of London knows our car." said Tony. "If Gates doesn't take us out, Leeds is sure to bust us. I think we need to come up with something. Can I count on you?"

"I'm in your passenger seat." said Caesar. They joined in an elaborate handshake.

----------

The party continued until just after midnight, then the Cannonballers turned in. The following morning, they got to work on their cars.

Meanwhile, Rob, Patrick, and Andy skateboarded around the parking area.

"Didn't we do this last year in America?" asked Patrick. He was wearing a t-shirt showing a map of Ireland divided by counties. Below that was written "26 + 6 equals 1".

"Yeah, and we're doing it this year in Britain." said Rob.

"I like the way you prepare for a race, Rob." said Andy.

"Sometimes, you just have to take a step back and relax." said Rob as he turned back to his teammates. "It's hard to have a good time when you're on edge all the time."

"Look out!" yelled Patrick.

Rob looked ahead to see the driver of a Renault Clio Sport had opened his door in front of him. He swerved to avoid it and ended up speeding towards a rock. He ramped off the rock and did a rail slide across the rear fender of a Lotus Europa S.

The driver of the Lotus had ducked to avoid being hit by him. After Rob had passed, the driver stood back up, looked at him, and yelled "Wanker!"

"Yeah, we're in England." said Rob.

----------

Caesar and Marie crouched down and looked into the Nissan's wheelwell.

"Very nice design." said Marie as she checked out the tracking device with her compact. "A tracking device with an integral electromagnet. Odds are they're tracking this from a computer in their home office with satellite access. It's beyond my expertise. Sorry."

"Okay, thanks for your input." said Caesar as they got back up.

----------

Tony dialled his cell phone as he walked with Salvatore.

"It would appear that we have a mutual enemy, you and I." said Salvatore.

"Maybe more." said Tony. "I've been trying to call Leeds since I got up. His stupid line is busy!"

"You should keep trying to call him." said Salvatore. "The sooner we can eliminate Malcolm from the race, the safer it will be for both of us."

"I know what you mean." said Tony. "I can identify him to Leeds. If he takes me out, he escapes justice on that accident."

"We can't let that happen." said Salvatore. "Innocent people injured. Massive property damage. He must be executed."

"That might be going too far." said Tony.

"It's just a figure of speech." said Salvatore. "Good luck in your quest, paisan."

"Paisan!" laughed Tony.

"Paisan." said Salvatore as Tony ran back to his car.

"(We're going to knock them dead this year?)" asked one of the Agnelli sisters as she sat on the trunk of a Fiat Barchetta.

"(And then we're going to celebrate until dawn breaks.)" said Salvatore as he leaned on the passenger side of his Ferrari. "(Because you know no one parties like the Italians.)"

Guiseppe rose up in the passenger seat while holding an ice pack against his head. "(Don't remind me.)" he said.

"(I keep telling you, Guiseppe.)" said Salvatore. "(You have to know your limits.)"

----------

Rob, Patrick, and Andy skated up to the van and found Robin looking at it impressed and Bison looking at it in shock.

"What's up?" asked Rob. He looked at the van and said "Oh my God."

It turned out Robin had spray-painted Patrick's face onto the side of the van.

"And you say I'm crazy." said Andy.

"I think she went too far this time." said Bison.

Patrick looked at the spray-painting up and down, then said "My nose is not that big."

----------

Guillaume walked over to the Lindstroms' Volvo to find Pierre playing a video game against Per.

"Monsieur Massarde." said Guillaume.

"(Not now.)" said Pierre. "(I'm in a race at Trial Mountain.)"

"(The race starts in one hour.)" said Guillaume. "(I thought you might want to prepare.)"

"(Alright.)" said Pierre as he dropped his controller.

"(See you at the first checkpoint.)" said Per in French.

Pierre walked back to the car with Guillaume. "(So, how's Monique?)" asked Pierre.

"(She's okay.)" said Guillaume. "(She says her blood sugar is under control.)"

"(Oh, she finally told you about that.)" said Pierre.

"Oui." said Guillaume. "(Why did you tell her about my fear of needles?)"

"(I wanted her to be sensitive about it.)" said Pierre.

"(Well, my image as a professional bodyguard is permanently soiled.)" said Guillaume.

"(Nonsense.)" said Pierre. "(I look at you and I think to myself 'He looks like the professional'.)"

----------

Heidi and Gretchen sat on the hood of their Porsche. Other Cannonballers walked by and exchanged greetings.

Malcolm walked up. "Well, ladies." he said. "Maybe after the race, we can get together somewhere intimate."

"Ja, that sounds like an interesting proposition." said Heidi. "However, I would much rather get together with a man with some...skill."

"Then, let's get rolling and I can show you my skill." said Malcolm.

"Get lost." said Heidi.

"Ja, scoot." said Gretchen.

"Very well." said Malcolm. "I don't have the patience to wait that long after the finish anyway."

He started to walk away, then Gretchen ran after him.

"Just hold on." she said. "What is it? Do you think women can't race like men can?"

"Hey, I'll respect any woman who can get behind the wheel and handle the car like a professional." said Malcolm as Heidi ran over. "But until you do prove yourself, I have to classify you with the other riff-raff."

"I'll have you know that Heidi does drive on a professional level." said Gretchen. "In fact, she could probably beat you in this race."

"Just remember who won the war, sweetie." said Malcolm.

This earned him a punch in the nose from Gretchen. She stormed back to the Porsche.

Heidi walked over to him and said "The war is kind of a sore subject for Gretchen. She's Jewish and lost numerous relatives in the death camps. Please, try to be a little more sensitive."

She returned to her car.

----------

Kenneth Livingston climbed up onto the back of a pick-up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please lend me your ears." he said, then paused when he saw Malcolm. "Is that man bleeding? We are about ready to begin the race. I hope you have all brought your motoring skills. They will be required for this wild road journey that will take you across the Channel and the mainland and back. Of course, the journey will be fraught with danger, not only from the usual road hazards, but also the lads with badges as well. I can only ask you to be careful out there to a certain point. After that, luck comes into play.

"There is one thing you need to know and I will provide that knowledge now. And that thing you need to know is your first destination."

"What does he mean?" asked Rob.

"The first checkpoint." said Patrick.

"And that first destination is..." said Kenneth. "...the harbor in Monte Carlo."

A cheer erupted from the crowd. Salvatore looked around at the other Italian drivers. "(The site of the Circuit de Monaco.)" he said.

Marie translated the speech to Per. "(I know where that is.)" he said.

"Now, as you are aware," said Kenneth "you are to punch your card in the clock when you leave and again when you reach the ferry at Weymouth or Bournemouth. You then punch the clock again when you get off the ferry and punch in when you reach Monte Carlo. And with that, we thus commence the 2007 Cannonball Run Europe. Let's see that first machine now."

His order was answered by the roar of an engine. The crowd parted to reveal a Bristol Blenheim which then drove up to the time clock. A young woman climbed out of the passenger seat, jammed a card into the clock, and got back in.

----------

Rob and his team piled into their van. Patrick was behind the wheel.

"Whatcha got there?" asked Robin.

"It's a map showing routes to the ferry landings." said Bison. "They gave it to us to ease navigation to France."

"That was kind of them." said Patrick.

----------

In the Volvo, Marie studied the map, then threw it in the backseat.

"(Didn't we need that?)" asked Per.

"(No, we have a GPS unit in the computer.)" said Marie.

"(Wait, didn't the guys from MIT have GPS issues four years ago?)" asked Per.

"(I see you've done your homework.)" said Marie. "(Yes, they did. However, this one was calibrated and tested by the best of my men while theirs was used without testing.)"

"(I see you also did your homework.)" said Per.

----------

Salvatore and Vincenzo pulled up to the starting line. Vincenzo was driving a Lancia Thesis sedan.

"Thank you! Thank you!" said Salvatore as he punched his card in the clock. "I hope to see you again at the finish! Then, we celebrate like never before!"

"(Hey, Salvatore.)" said Guiseppe. "(Get back in the car and start this before you run out of English.)"

Vincenzo laughed as he got back into his Lancia. Salvatore also laughed.

----------

Tony continued to dial Leeds' number as he moved the 350Z into the line of cars waiting to depart.

"This is the police." said a woman on the other end. "How may I help you?"

"Yeah, I need to talk to Constable Leeds." said Tony.

"Constable Leeds is on assignment." said the woman. "May I take a message?"

"Yeah, tell him Tony Basilotta has his man in sight." said Tony. He pulled up to the starting line and said "I gotta go. Make sure he gets the message." He ended the call as Caesar got out to punch the clock.

The woman hung up the phone and went back to her paperwork. "Oh Mickey, you're so fine." she started to sing.

----------

After Tony was Heidi and Gretchen, followed by Rob's team. Per and Malcolm had left already.

The last car to pull out was Ferruccio's car, a black Lamborghini Diablo. Minutes later, Kenneth's two race officials looked over the maps that had been issued to the racers.

"Is this on all the maps?" asked the Welshman.

"It's on the five we have left, so we can assume so." said the woman.

"What's going on?" asked Kenneth.

"Look." said the woman. She handed the map to him.

He looked it over and noticed there were numerous mistakes. Towns were mislabeled, roads were misdrawn, and several locations were misplaced.

"I am going to SKIN this guy!" yelled Kenneth.

"I told you we should have gone with a professional." said the woman.

----------

"(So far, so good.)" said Pierre as he guided the Peugeot through the English countryside.

"(Didn't take you long to figure out the map.)" said Monique.

"(Figure out the map?)" asked Pierre. "(I just decided to ditch the map and follow the guy in the Hommell.)"

Suddenly, all of their eyes widened.

"(Do you mean THAT Hommell?)" asked Guillaume as a blue Hommell Berlinette passed them going the other way.

Pierre cursed in French and turned around.

----------

Elsewhere, Heidi tore through a British town.

"(So, what's with the jumpsuits?)" asked Gretchen.

"(I chose them in honor of a pair of American Cannonballers in the 80s.)" said Heidi. "(The story goes that they managed to avoid prosecution by charming the police with their...wares.)"

"(I hope we don't have to do that!)" said Gretchen.

"(We shouldn't have to.)" said Heidi.

They both stared at a red Venturi coming the other way.

"(Isn't he in the race?)" asked Gretchen.

"Ja." said Heidi. "(He must be lost.)"

A few seconds later, they passed a silver Ferrari Imola and a black Jaguar XKR.

"(Somehow, I don't think he's the one who's lost.)" said Gretchen.

"(Find a place to turn around, I guess.)" said Heidi.

----------

The one team who hadn't gotten lost, the Lindstroms, raced up to the ferry landing. Unfortunately, they were only in time to see the ferry sailing for France.

A race official walked up to them with a time clock and took their time card. "Welcome to the port of Bournemouth." he said.

"We missed the ferry?" asked Marie.

"Don't worry." said the official as he punched the clock. "You're still the first team here. That's going to count for something."

"How long until the next ferry comes?" asked Marie.

The official checked his watch. "I'd say about three hours." he said.

Marie stared at him in shock. "Thank you." she said. She turned to Per and said "(He says the ferry isn't coming back for three hours.)"

Per picked up one of the Playstation controllers. "(Up for a game?)" he asked.

"(Always.)" said Marie.

The official leaned into the car. "So, what are you two going to do until the ferry comes?" he asked.

Marie translated the question for Per.

"Chill." he said. Marie doubled over in laughter.

----------

Tony drove down another British road.

"Any ideas on where we are?" he asked as Caesar studied the map.

"No, the last time I was outside of London was on an airplane." said Caesar. "Whoever did this map is a moron. It's completely screwed up."

"I think we'd better stop at a gas station and pick up another." said Tony.

He came to a T-intersection. An Audi RS6 Avant and a Lotus Esprit raced by one way, a yellow Ferrari 365GTC raced by the other way.

"Hey, that was Salvatore!" said Caesar.

"Let's get him." said Tony.

He pulled onto the roadway and raced after the Ferrari. When he got behind him, he flashed his headlights. Salvatore pulled off onto the next parking area. Tony pulled alongside and they both rolled down their windows.

"You're lost too, huh?" asked Tony.

"Everybody's lost!" said Salvatore. "It's these idiotic maps! They're worthless! I can find the way better with Guiseppe's driver's license!"

"If I had one." said Guiseppe.

"Tony says we should try to get a map at the next gas station." said Caesar.

Salvatore shrugged and said "Worth a try."

"Alright, let's go." said Tony.

----------

Patrick navigated the roads of southern England in the Transit van as Robin filmed the journey.

AN:Once again, think of this as from Robin's POV.

"I'm telling you this is the wrong way!" yelled Andy.

"I checked the map. This is the way." said Patrick. "Trust me on this one. I'm fairly positive."

"I gotta agree with him for once." said Bison. "This feels like the wrong way."

"Yeah, something's off." said Rob.

"Hold on, here comes a sign." said Andy. "If this says what I think it says, I'm gonna beat you around the head with it."

"That's not exactly an incentive to stop." said Patrick.

They passed the sign which read "Plymouth".

"Plymouth?" asked Patrick.

"They still sell Plymouths here?" asked Bison.

"We're in the wrong county." said Robin.

Patrick turned around and headed back the way he came. Andy got up and punched the palm of his hand a couple of times. He then looked to Robin and said "Hey, turn that bloody thing off."

----------

Malcolm drove through the countryside in his TVR.

"If I get my hands on the mapmaker, he's brown bread." said Ian.

"It's a good thing I figured out where we're supposed to go before we went ALL the way to Cheddar." said Malcolm.

"Can we make the ferry, though?" asked Ian.

"Watch." said Malcolm.

Just down the road...

"(The guy at the gas station was rather helpful.)" said Guiseppe. "(I think we're almost there.)"

"(And to think all I had to do was let him sit in the car for twenty seconds.)" said Salvatore.

Right in front of them...

"Yeah, this one is much better." said Caesar. "We'll be at the ferry in five minutes or so."

"Sweet." said Tony. "When we get there, I'll call Leeds again and see if we can get him to come to the port."

A few turns later, Malcolm was in visual contact with the Ferrari.

"Malcolm, the Italian's car." said Ian.

"I see it." said Malcolm. "Let's show him what for, shall we?"

"By all means." said Ian.

Malcolm pushed his accelerator to the floor until the TVR's front bumper bumped the rear of the Ferrari.

"(Give me a break.)" said Salvatore as he checked his rearview.

Tony also checked his rearview. "Uh oh, guess who's attacking Sal." he said.

"Some limey in a red TVR." said Caesar.

"Bingo." said Tony.

Salvatore pushed the pedal to the floor. His Ferrari's V-12 let out a deafening roar as he raced down the road.

"Watch this." said Tony.

Salvatore zipped by him and he quickly cut in front of Malcolm. Malcolm made several efforts to pass Tony, only to be cut off each time.

"Move!" yelled Malcolm.

"I think he wants a rematch from yesterday." said Ian.

Malcolm pressed the accelerator a little more and tapped the Nissan with his TVR. Tony and Caesar quickly recovered from the jolt.

"Think Sal's clear away?" asked Tony.

"Yeah." said Caesar.

"Try to catch me now." said Tony.

He put his accelerator to the floor and pulled away from the TVR. Malcolm tried to pass him, but was unable to catch up.

Shortly afterward, the two cars arrived at the ferry landing. All the other teams had made it as well and were waiting for the ferry which was now sailing into port.

Salvatore was at the back of the pack. Malcolm aimed for him in the TVR, but Ian grabbed his arm.

"Don't." said Ian. "Too many witnesses."

Malcolm steered away from Salvatore. He and Tony brought their cars to a halt at the back of the line and climbed out.

"Hey, Antonio. What happened to you?" asked Salvatore. "You were right in front of me, then I passed you and you disappeared."

"Just saving your hide." said Caesar.

"Ah, a noble cause." said Salvatore. "Remind me to give something back when I get the chance."

Malcolm stormed over to Tony and said "I hope that little stunt of yours was worth it."

"Oh, it was more than worth it." said Tony. "You are in serious trouble, man! I've got to tell you something!"

"I've got to tell you all something!" announced the race official. "The ferry is docking now. We can start loading in five minutes and be off in thirty. Thank you for your patience."

Cheers swept through the crowd.

"Try Leeds! Hurry!" said Caesar.

Tony took out his cell phone and called Leeds. "Yeah, I need to speak with Constable Leeds right now." he said.

"I'm afraid Constable Leeds will out the rest of the afternoon." said the woman. "Will you be leaving a message?"

Tony gritted his teeth and scowled. "Yeah, I'm going to leave a message." he said. "Give Leeds this message. Leeds, you have got to be the most fricking inneffectual police officer in the world! While you were farting around trying to get your head out of your ass, the bastard that caused that accident was making his getaway! Maybe you don't give a shit about my goddamn problems right now, but I do and wish you had that same concern! Oh and one more thing, Leeds! You suck!"

Tony ended the call and folded up his phone. He then looked up and saw the other Cannonballers looking at him in shock. He quickly looked around in mock confusion and asked "Where am I? How did I get here?"

----------

Hours later, Leeds had finally returned to the station and read Tony's message as the shaken woman looked on.

"He sounds mad." said Leeds.

Porter walked in from the other room. "According to the computer, he's somewhere in the middle of the English Channel." he said. "His location is consistant with a ferry route."

"What does that mean?" asked the woman.

"It means he's now France's problem." said Leeds.


	5. French Kiss

Cannonball Run 2007: Europe 

Chapter 5: French Kiss

AN:While working on this chapter, I found out some information about Tony Rosato that would have made him unavailable for this had it been an actual film. Since I prefer to "cast" actors on if they are able to realisticly perform the role, Guiseppe will now be "played" by Tony Shalhoub.

As the ferry sailed into the dock, Rob and his team talked.

"The way I see it, what we have to do is simple." said Andy. "We try to help protect Tony and Salvatore from this Malcolm guy until they get back to England. Then, we let the British cops handle him."

"Yeah, that's gonna be easier said than done." said Rob. "All three of the guys you just mentioned have cars much more powerful than our van. How do we keep up with that?"

"Maybe we can enlist the help of the other Cannonballers." said Robin. "Who knows? Maybe some of them have skills that could come in handy."

"And their cars are more capable of dancing with Malcolm." said Bison. "Who do we ask first?"

"How about those two Teutonic beauties in the Cayman?" asked Patrick.

"I thought you'd want to get closer to them." said Rob.

The two of them got up and walked over to Heidi and Gretchen.

"(I think we should try to head through Paris.)" said Heidi as she and Gretchen looked over a road atlas.

"Ja." said Gretchen. "(That should be a quicker route.)"

"Guttenberg." said Rob.

Heidi and Gretchen looked at him confused. "(Why did he just ask about the guy who invented the printing press?)" asked Heidi.

"Uh, what my friend is asking is 'can you help us?'" said Patrick.

"Possibly." said Gretchen. "Help you with what?"

"The limey you punched out at the starting line." said Rob.

"Aye, we believe he might have it in for another driver." said Patrick.

"Maybe two." said Rob.

"You can't be serious." said Heidi. "I know the man is a jerk, but he has homicidal tendancies as well?"

"We do." said Patrick.

"Who does he have it in for?" asked Gretchen.

"The Italian guy in the yellow Ferrari." said Rob.

"You mean Salvatore?" asked Heidi.

"The other guy is the Californian in the Zed-Car." said Patrick.

"Ja, we know who you mean." said Gretchen.

"What do you want us to do?" asked Heidi.

"Keep an eye on the guy in the red TVR." said Rob. "Let us know if he gets anywhere near our guys."

"Here's my cell phone number." said Patrick as he picked up Heidi's cell phone and programed it in.

"We'll do our best." said Gretchen.

----------

On the upper deck, Tony and Caesar were talking with Salvatore and Guiseppe.

"Well, Malcolm made it out of the country." said Tony.

"He'll most likely try to off one of us the first chance he gets." said Salvatore.

"Don't let him take you alive." said Tony.

"If you need anything from us, don't hesitate to ask." said Caesar.

"Sure, got a commando force in your car?" asked Guiseppe.

"No, but I was thinking of installing one." said Tony.

"We're going to have to continue this later." said Salvatore. "The ferry is docking. The race is about to resume."

Salvatore and Guiseppe ran off to the stairs to the car deck. Tony started to follow them when he noticed Caesar climbing up on the railing.

"What are you doing?" asked Tony.

"Something I've always wanted." said Caesar. He then threw his fists into the air and yelled "I'm king of the world!", then cheered.

The ferry captain watched him and said "And I thought the most disturbing part of that movie would be the ship sinking."

----------

The Cannonballers reported to their cars. A race official with a time clock walked past the cars and let the racers start their times as they prepared to leave.

The ramp lowered and the first cars drove off. Oddly, the first car off was not in the race. It was a silver Citroen C3 driven by a young French couple.

The couple drove onto the on ramp for the highway. The wife showed off a model house they had purchased in England. The husband made some comments about it as his wife put the model back into the bag.

Both let out a shocked yelp as Malcolm tore past them in his TVR. True to her word, Heidi was right behind him in her Porsche.

The cars made it onto the highway and several of the other cars cut around the Citroen. Two of the last ones were Salvatore's Ferrari and Tony's 350Z. However, they quickly started to make up positions.

----------

The Transit managed to make its way through traffic.

"She runs pretty nicely for a van." said Patrick as he drove.

"This is nothing." said Rob. "J.J. ran with a Ford Econoline four years ago. That thing had a suped-up Triton V-8 in it."

"Well, what do we have? A Cuisinart?" asked Andy.

"You saw 'Spaceballs' recently, huh?" asked Bison.

"We've got the Cologne V-6 displacing a bloody two-point-nine liters." said Robin.

"How powerful is that?" asked Rob.

"Not very." said Patrick. "The maximum horsepower rating, if I recall correctly, was about one hundred and sixty."

"Around that of a Honda Civic." said Bison.

"Yeah, but they tune those all the time." said Andy.

"With parts." said Rob. "We need to pick some of those up."

"We can stop in the next town." said Patrick. "See if they have a parts shop or something."

"I'll check the net." said Robin.

"One thing though:" said Andy "should we really be worrying about the performance of this rig right now? Don't we have a sociopath in a TVR to worry about?"

"Relax, those two German chicks are watching him." said Rob. "How can they possibly fail?"

----------

Elsewhere, a French policeman had pulled over Heidi's Porsche. The two girls climbed out as did the policeman.

"(Why did he go after us when a perfectly red car was just ahead of us?)" asked Gretchen.

"Bonjour, mademoiselles." said the officer. "(I think you know why I pulled your over.)"

Heidi thought about it. "(Enlighten me.)" she said in French.

"(Speeding.)" said the officer. "(When I clocked you, your speed was three-hundred kilometers per hour.)"

AN:To those of us still on the imperial system, that works out to about 186 miles per hour.

"(Three hundred, are you serious?)" asked Heidi, impressed with herself.

"(That wasn't a compliment.)" said the officer. "(May I see your license please?)"

"Mais oui." said Heidi. She unzipped her jumpsuit and reached into it, showing off a little bit of cleavage.

The officer tried to avert his eyes, but he was repeatedly drawn back to Heidi's chest area. Finally, he turned to Gretchen and asked "(May I see your license?)"

"(I wasn't driving.)" said Gretchen.

"(Gretchen, show him your license.)" said Heidi while pointing to her chest.

"Nien!" said Gretchen.

"(Show...him...your...license.)" said Heidi.

Gretchen let out a groan. She unzipped her jumpsuit and reached inside.

The officer got another eyeful. He tried to regain his composure, then just said "(You know, I can't do this right now. Why don't you just go?)"

"Danke shien." said Heidi as she zipped up.

"(What happened to the TVR?)" asked Gretchen as she zipped up.

"(I've got someone else after it.)" said the officer. "(I'll check with him after this.)"

Heidi and Gretchen got back into the Porsche.

"(Not bad.)" said Heidi in German.

"(Good, because I'm never doing it again.)" said Gretchen.

----------

The Volvo pulled into a gas station.

"(I'll pay for the gas.)" said Per as he climbed out.

"(Get me a Twinkie while you're in there.)" said Marie.

Per walked into the gas station and found it strangely deserted. "Bonjour?" he asked. "(Anybody here?)"

He looked through the plastic window to the office. The clerk was motioning him to leave.

Suddenly, a pair of men jumped out of one of the aisles and one pointed a gun at him. "(Give me your money. Now!)" said the man with the gun.

"Chill." said Per. He reached into his jacket and turned to his left. He then turned more quickly and threw a roundhouse kick which knocked the gun out of his hand.

The formerly armed man then charged Per. Per grabbed him and threw him into a stack of soda cans. The man started to get up and held his head.

The other man picked up his partner's gun and tried to point it at Per. He quickly struck the man in the wrist and caught the gun with his other hand. He then turned and kicked the man in the chest, knocking him to the floor. He then took the gun and bent it since it was made out of rubber.

"(I knew it!)" said the clerk.

The first man got back up and Per struck him in the neck. The man fell to the floor while holding his throat.

Marie finished pumping the gas as Per walked out. He had a grocery bag with him.

"(Did you pay?)" asked Marie.

"(More or less.)" said Per as he climbed into the car. "(I'll tell you about it on the road.)"

Marie climbed in and got her Twinkie out of the bag. "(This should be good.)"

----------

Pierre maneuvered past several slower cars while Guillaume listened to the radio.

Guillaume laughed. "(Listen to this.)" he said. "(The cop was chasing the red TVR when he blew his engine.)"

"(Can't stop the Cannonballers.)" laughed Pierre.

"(Wait, what's that?)" asked Monique as she listened in to the radio.

Guillaume gave it a listen and said "(Uh oh, the police are launching a search for Cannonballers across Northern France.)"

"(Not a problem.)" said Pierre. "(Not a problem. I have a chalet outside of Chartres. We can hang around there until the crisis passes.)"

"(One question.)" said Monique. "(Should we invite other Cannonballers to the chalet to hide out as well?)"

"(That might be a moot point.)" said Guillaume as the Transit started to pass them. "(We haven't seen another Cannonballer's face in hours.)"

He then looked to his left and saw Patrick's face painted on the side of the van.

In the van, Patrick was looking at the boxes of performance parts piled in the back. "This stuff kicks arse." he said.

"Yeah, I just hope we can get a chance to install it." said Bison.

"What we picked up could take a couple of hours to install." said Rob from behind the wheel. "I don't think we'll get a chance to do so until the checkpoint. That is, unless we have to pull over somewhere."

He heard a horn and looked to his right. He saw Pierre leaning out of his window.

"Bonjour!" said Pierre. "You might not have heard, but the police are targeting us."

"Thanks for the warning." said Rob.

"We thought that you would like to join us in relative safety." said Pierre.

"Why not?" asked Rob.

"Okay, follow me." said Pierre.

"There's your tune-up time." said Rob.

----------

Somewhere to the west...

"(This area looks familiar.)" said Guiseppe.

"(It should.)" said Salvatore. "(We're close to the Bugatti Circuit and, by extention, the Circuit de la Sarthe.)"

"(And the town of Le Mans.)" said Guiseppe.

"(Part of this road forms the Mulsanne Straight.)" said Salvatore.

Close behind them, a certain red sports car was closing in fast.

"I can't believe that cop just conked out like that." said Malcolm.

"Good thing he did." said Ian. "Otherwise, he just might catch another illegal act."

"Right you are." said Malcolm.

"(Engine sounds like it just came out of the factory.)" said Guiseppe.

"(That's proper maintainence for you.)" said Salvatore. "Grazi."

Malcolm rammed him from behind. Salvatore recovered quickly.

"(This guy needs a hobby.)" said Salvatore.

"(I heard needlepoint's fun.)" said Guiseppe.

Salvatore upshifted and raced past a blocked-off road.

"Are we where I think we are?" asked Ian.

"Yes, the Mulsanne Straight." said Malcolm.

The Ferrari and TVR continued to race down the roadway. The cars swerved around a delivery van. Malcolm tried again to close in on Salvatore.

"(I'm about to show you why he can never beat my times.)" said Salvatore.

He pushed the accelerator to the floor and the speedometer slowly crept to 170 mph.

"You're not winning this one." said Malcolm. He threw it into the next gear and tried to close in.

The two cars raced past a blocked-off chicane to their left. The road started to curve to the right.

"(If I recall correctly, there is an intersection coming up.)" said Guiseppe.

"(There is.)" said Salvatore. "(Since there isn't a race going on...sanctioned that is, it's probably busy.)"

"This ponce is heading for the intersection at close to 300 K." said Malcolm.

"At this speed, do you think we can avoid a wreck?" asked Ian.

"No chance in Hell." said Malcolm.

Sure enough, the cars came to the intersection. Sure enough, it was busy.

"(Look out!)" yelled Guiseppe.

Salvatore hit the brakes. Malcolm swerved to avoid hitting him. He then swerved to avoid the three other cars in the intersection.

He finally angled his car into one of the roads. Ian looked around and yelled "Where the hell is Salvatore?"

Salvatore had managed to drive down another road. Guiseppe let out a huge sigh of relief.

"(Malcolm is getting more daring.)" said Salvatore.

"(I know.)" said Guiseppe.

"(We need to ask for help.)" said Salvatore. "(I don't want to go through that again.)"

"(Me neither.)" said Guiseppe.

----------

On a road running alongside the Seine River, Tony's Nissan was making good time.

Inside, the two were listening to the radio. "We have a small emergency." said an Englishman over the radio. "Someone has attracted the attention of the local constabulary and they are now on the hunt for Cannonballers. As of now, racing is suspended for two hours."

As another racer repeated the news in French, Caesar turned to Tony and said "Oh man, did you hear that?"

"Yeah, I think we gotta lay low for a bit." said Tony.

"That looks like a good place to lay low." said Caesar as he looked through the windshield. Rising up in front of them was a large city. Paris.

"Can I drop you off somewhere?" asked Tony.

"The Pompidou Center if it's open." said Caesar.

----------

The Peugeot and Transit were parked at Pierre's chalet. Andy had the hood up on the Transit and was working away.

In the living room, Monique checked her blood sugar. She let out a groan when she saw it was bad.

AN:Here, we have another shot from Robin's camera.

Robin pointed her camera out of the window at the setting sun. "This is it, a setting sun." she said. "Why is this one different from others? Because I'm seeing it from France instead of Ireland."

She turned to the room and said "We are staying here until..."

She then caught Monique injecting herself with insulin, then quickly panned up to the ceiling and then to the wall. After the camera hit the carpet, it pointed at the unconcious Robin. Guillaume walked over and groaned "Sacre bleu."

AN:And back to normal view.

Nearby, Rob, Bison, and Patrick were talking with Pierre. "And after your guy says you're not helping in Iraq, a good portion of the U.S. went apeshit." said Rob. "They're all saying you're cowards and ingrates for how we helped you in World War 2. The really stupid ones are taking their French wine and pouring it down the storm drains. Hello, moron. You already paid for it."

"Is that sentiment still present?" asked Pierre.

"Not really." said Bison. "I mean that was years ago. I think people are coming around to forgiveness. Besides, who gave us the Statue of Liberty?"

"Nice to see some people can ignore things like nationality." said Patrick.

"Especially since we've got other things in common." said Pierre. "Things like a passion for the automobile...and the Cannonball."

"Mais oui, mon frere." said Rob.

"In fact, I would like to show you something." said Pierre as he got out of his chair.

Within seconds, he led them to another room in the chalet. Inside were dozens of model cars.

"Whoa." said Rob.

"And I thought I was obsessed with baseball cards." said Bison.

"Except you haven't customized your baseball cards." said Pierre.

"What do you mean?" asked Patrick. He then looked at a model of a blue '98 Mustang with a body kit, TSW Mondello wheels, and black and silver splash graphics. "That looks familiar." he said.

"It should." said Pierre. "It's modelled after the car driven by Chuck Prescott in last year's American Cannonball Run."

"Are all these cars based on Cannonballers' cars?" asked Bison.

"And organized by year and continent of the race." said Pierre. "That one is a shrine to the race in '05."

Rob looked at the display. He saw several cars from that race. "Wow, I've seen pictures of these, but the detail is amazing." he said.

"Merci." said Pierre.

"Hey, I know these." said Patrick as he examined the display in front of him. "These are the cars from last year's European Cannonball."

"Absolutely correct." said Pierre. "I'm sure you recognize my Hommel Berlinette, Salvatore's Pantera, Heidi's Mercedes SLK, Sven's Volvo."

"Sounds like I missed a bit." said Rob. He examined the display for the previous year's American race. He finally found what he was looking for: the Mini Cooper he had driven with Bison and Patrick.

"I see you've found your car." said Pierre.

"Complete with special guest." said Rob as he looked at a tiny garden gnome in the driver's seat.

"You're the first fellow Cannonballer I've shown this to." said Pierre. He took out a pen and said "I would be quite honored for an autograph."

"Really?" asked Bison.

"Sure, I can do that." said Rob. He took the pen, then moved it towards the Mini.

"No! No! No! No! No!" yelled Pierre. Rob stopped aiming for the model. "The card." said Pierre.

"Oh!" said Rob as he took the card and signed it. Bison signed it next, then Patrick.

----------

Shortly after night fell, Tony pulled alongside an orange Audi TT with black and white side stripes, a PPI body kit, and LM Rader Impulse rims.

"Nice ride." said Tony. "Whatcha running?"

"Turbocharger, fuel system, nitrous." said the Audi's driver. "Performance suspension, racing brakes."

"PPI?" asked Tony. "They make great stuff."

"Oui, oui." said the Audi driver.

"Up for a race?" asked Tony.

"Of course." said the driver.

"First to the end of the street wins." said Tony as he put the car in gear.

He revved his engine and the Audi driver reponded in kind.

"I bet Caesar wishes he was here." said Tony as they took off.

At the Pompidou Center, Caesar walked around and looked at all the exhibits. He found one where a man was demonstrating magnets.

"Busy?" asked Caesar.

"Not as busy as I was this afternoon." said the man. "Like a demonstration?"

"But of course." said Caesar.

The man picked up a small magnet and stuck it to a metal plate on a pole. "This is a rather strong magnet for its size." said the man. "Observe." He hung a weight from the magnet. He added another, then another. Finally, he added one more and the magnet pulled off of the plate. "And there, the maximum weight limit has been breeched."

Caesar picked up the weights and looked at their masses. He then rubbed his forehead and thought a little. "Do you have another magnet of the same size?" he asked. "I'd like to try something."

The man picked up another magnet and handed it to him.

"Merci." he said. He stuck one magnet to the plate, then stuck the other magnet to the opposite side of the plate. He then picked up the weights and started to hang them from the magnet. This time, only one weight went on before the magnet pulled free.

"Ah, something you learned." said the man.

"Yeah." said Caesar. "This should come in handy."

Back on the street, the Nissan and Audi weaved through the usually thick Parisian traffic.

Tony weaved around a very small car and heard something on the radio. "This is a message to all Cannonballers. The suspension on racing is lifted. Hit the road again, chaps."

Tony laughed as he and the Audi crossed a crosswalk. The two cars came to a halt just down the block.

"We'll try this again some other time, ami." said the Audi driver.

"If you're ever in London, look for me." said Tony before adding "If I'm not in jail." under his breath.

----------

"Let's go!" yelled Pierre. He and the others ran for the cars.

Andy slammed shut the hood on the Transit van. "Got everything installed but the computer." he said.

"We still need to load the operating software into the laptop." said Rob.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" asked Robin.

"What Andy lacks in common sense and social graces," said Patrick "he more than makes up for in mechanical prowess."

"He must be a flippin' whiz kid then." said Bison.

Pierre, Monique, and Guillaume jumped back into the Peugeot. Pierre had it started within seconds.

"(Get your seatbelts on. We have a long drive ahead.)" said Pierre.

The Peugeot raced out of the driveway first.

"Now, the moment of truth." said Rob in the driver's seat of the Transit. He turned the key and the engine roared to life.

"Let's see what she's got." said Patrick.

Rob pushed the accelerator and did a burnout which sent Andy tumbling into the rear. The van ended up speeding down the driveway. He quickly caught up with the Peugeot and overtook it.

----------

Somewhere south of Paris, Tony raced along in the 350Z. "So, what did you do at the Pompidou Center?" he asked.

"I checked out this gnarly display." said Caesar. "I think it could really help in our situation."

"That's good to hear." said Tony. "While you were learning, I was..."

He was interupted by his cell phone. He let Caesar answer it. "Y'ello."

"'Ey, Tony." said Salvatore on his own cell phone. He had it switched to speaker phone and Guiseppe was holding it.

"It's Sal." said Caesar as he set Tony's cell phone on speaker.

"What's up, paisan?" asked Tony.

"Guess who tried to kill us at Le Mans?" asked Salvatore.

"Malcolm." said Tony.

"The man does not give up." said Guiseppe.

"So, what are you looking for?" asked Caesar.

"We need an edge." said Salvatore. "I need you to teach me a technique that should give me an edge against him."

"Meaning?" asked Tony.

"I need you to teach me to drift." said Salvatore.

Tony looked a little taken aback. "Sal, that's a very complicated technique." he said. "I can't just teach you everything about it in a few hours."

"Antonio, I am in a bind here." said Salvatore. "I have a bitter rival out for my blood. I need a way to defeat him. Please, help me, Tony."

Tony thought for a couple of seconds. "I'll tell you what." said Tony. "We'll set up a quickie drifting session, but first Guiseppe has to sing us something."

"Small price to pay." said Guiseppe. "Any requests?"

"Catherine Wheel! 'Black Metallic'!" said Caesar.

Guiseppe cleared his throat. He took a deep breath, then started to sing operaticly. "I never see you when you're smiling. It really gets under my skin. You say it's easy when it's faster. I still can't guess what you're after. It's the colour of your skin. Your skin is black metallic. It's the colour of your skin. Your skin is black metallic. Your skin is black metallic."

Caesar clapped. "Very nice. Very nice." he said.

"So, do we have a deal?" asked Salvatore.

"Meet us at the airport in Nice." said Tony.

"Ciao." said Salvatore before Guiseppe ended the call.

Caesar closed up Tony's cell phone. "Do you have any idea how to drift?" he asked.

"Not a clue." said Tony.

----------

A police officer sat in the dark with a radar gun. He heard the roar of an engine and raised the gun. The Lindstroms' Volvo raced by and was clocked at two hundred kilometers per hour. He quickly took off after them.

"(Uh oh, trouble.)" said Marie.

"(We've got a bit of a lead.)" said Per. "(We can try to lose him.)"

"(We won't have to.)" said Marie. "(All I have to do is hack into the police department's network and go crazy.)"

"(Sounds like a lot of work.)" said Per. "(I can just lose him this once.)"

Marie went to work on her computer. "(Just a few clicks and...)" she said. She got a red bar with a French phrase meaning "Access denied." She then said "(Uh oh.)"

"(Problem?)" asked Per.

"(Nothing a decent hacker can't fix.)" she said as she continued to work. Again, she got a red bar. "(Dammit.)"

Per rolled his eyes.

"(Look, just work this once.)" said Marie as she went to work on the computer again.

Per saw a parking lot off to the right. He quickly turned off the lights and pulled into the lot. He hid the Volvo between two trucks. The police car raced by without seeing them.

Marie watched this, then gave Per a cross look.

"(You think too much.)" said Per as he eased them out of the parking space.

----------

A few hours before sunrise, Tony and Caesar were at the Nice airport. Tony was playing Need For Speed: Underground on a Playstation 2 installed in his car. Specificly, he was in a drift race with a 350Z.

"Now, I've seen everything." said Caesar. "You're learning from a video game?"

"Well, I gotta learn as much about this as possible." said Tony.

"I hope you can learn everything you need to in thirty seconds." said Caesar. Tony looked up to see Salvatore's Ferrari approaching.

Salvatore pulled alongside the Z-Car so their windows were right next to each other.

"Are you ready for the lesson?" asked Salvatore.

"Ready as I'll ever be." said Tony.

"You know, for safety's sake," said Guiseppe "maybe Caesar and I should get out of the cars."

"I agree with him." said Tony.

"Very well." said Salvatore.

Guiseppe and Caesar climbed out and stood to the side. While Tony explained some beginner tecniques to Salvatore, their teammates had their own discussion.

"Do you think that Tony can impart his knowledge to Salvatore?" asked Guiseppe.

"Hey, I know Tony." said Caesar. "He's pretty much going to drift like he's never drifted before."

"And that's all there is to it." said Tony.

"Can you do that in a Ferrari?" asked Salvatore.

"It's rear-wheel-drive, right?" asked Tony.

"Let's go." said Salvatore.

Tony went first with Salvatore right behind him. He raced up to the first turn.

"Okay." he said to himself. "Don't screw this up."

He quickly turned his wheel and floored the accelerator. The rear wheels broke free of their grip and sent the rear of the car sliding towards a hangar. Luckily, Tony managed to keep it under control and straighten it out. He let out a huge sigh of relief.

Salvatore followed suit and easily managed to avoid wrecking. "Guiseppe, I really wish you were taping this." he said.

"Let's see if we can do this again." said Tony as approached the next turn. He quickly turned the wheel again and drifted into a wide turn again. Salvatore was right behind him doing the same.

Tony then turned in the opposite direction and drifted the other way. "I think I'm getting the hang of this." he said.

Salvatore was right behind him doing the same. He managed to keep it from crashing as well.

As the two cars went into another lap, Caesar and Guiseppe watched in amazement.

"Your friend does that like a pro." said Guiseppe.

"You should've seen him before you got here." said Caesar. "It was like he was playing a video game."

"I'm amazed he doesn't smash that into the hangar." said Guiseppe.

"Hell, I'm just glad he doesn't smash that into the Mediterranean." said Caesar.

Tony then went into another drift and kept going in a circle. Salvatore followed his lead and ended up doing a circle as well, directly facing Tony at all times.

Fianlly, Tony broke the circle and drove towards the hangar. He pulled a drifting turn and came back towards Salvatore. He came to a halt mere inches from his driver's side.

"That wasn't bad." said Tony. "Keep practicing and you might be able to enter D1."

"Well, I've done it by accident so many times." said Salvatore.

"One last test to see how you did." said Tony. "Caesar, Guiseppe, come back."

Caesar and Guiseppe came back to them and climbed back into the cars.

"Where are we going?" asked Salvatore.

"The mountains to the east." said Tony.

Tony took off with Salvatore right behind him. They drove east and headed into the mountains. Within minutes, they reached a road overlooking the sea.

"What are we doing here?" asked Salvatore.

"Taking the final exam." said Tony. "There's a rather twisty road leading up here which is picture perfect for drifting. Let's see how you handle it."

Tony went first. He drove into the first turn and let the tail slide.

"You seem to be getting it now." said Caesar as Tony headed for the next turn.

"Yeah, I think a little racing experience helps a little." said Tony as he drifted through the next turn. "It definitely worked for Sal."

"You bet." said Caesar as he took out a paper pad and pen.

"Whatcha gonna do with that?" asked Tony as he made another drift through another turn.

"Making a shopping list." said Caesar. "If I can get all of the items on this list, I can make something that will get that tracker off our car."

"Really?" asked Tony as he went through another turn. "How much is that going to cost?"

"I dunno." said Caesar. "Maybe a hundred Euros."

"I guess that's preferable to prison." said Tony as he came out of the road onto the main road.

Behind him, Salvatore had also survived. They pulled up next to each other.

"That was fun." said Salvatore.

"I think Guiseppe agrees." said Tony as he pointed to Guiseppe holding the armrest and center console in a death grip.

"On to Monte Carlo, then?" asked Salvatore.

"Last one there is a Fiat." said Tony.

They both took off down the highway.

----------

As she steered her Porsche through the mountains of Monaco, Heidi saw the glow of the rising sun just over the horizon.

"(Look.)" she said. "(After a hard night of driving, we are almost at our destination.)"

"Ja." said Gretchen. "(And after a couple of hours of rest, we get up and do it again.)"

"(Ah, I knew you'd warm up to it.)" said Heidi.

"(If you need someone next year, you know where to find me.)" said Gretchen.

Just then, Rob raced up behind her in the Transit van. He swerved around her and kept going.

"This is a nice city." said Bison.

"If you live here, you're either rich or you work for someone who is." said Robin.

"Oh, now we're quoting 'Veronica Mars'." said Rob.

"Take the next right and we'll be right on our way to the finish." said Andy.

"Got it." said Rob.

He quickly made the next right and swerved around a couple of other cars.

"I see the checkpoint." said Patrick. "We're almost there. We're almost..."

Just then, Heidi blew past them in her Porsche and took the next left towards the checkpoint. She pulled under the banner and found a parking space. The Transit wasn't too far behind.

The racers got out of their respective vehicles and were approached by the Welsh race official.

"Nice work, you guys." he said. "You've completed the first leg of the journey. Take a couple of hours to rest up. You're going to Switzerland shortly."

"Nice run, don't you think?" asked Patrick.

"Wonderful." said Gretchen.

"We lost Malcolm when we got pulled over. Sorry." said Heidi.

"Don't worry about it." said Rob. "We'll get him next time."

----------

Tony and Salvatore raced into Monte Carlo.

"Okay, we just have to find the marina and we can finish this leg." said Tony.

"Then I can hit the hobby shops and get the materials for our little fix." said Caesar.

"Need help with that?" asked Tony.

Neither of them noticed a certain red TVR creeping up behind them.

"Well, that was a good idea." said Ian.

"I agree." said Malcolm. "Now to implement it."

The TVR quickly appeared in the rearview of Salvatore's Ferrari.

"(Hmm, what's behind me seems to be important.)" said Salvatore.

"(Ready to show off your new skills?)" asked Guiseppe.

Salvatore just grinned.

The three cars raced into the city. Malcolm moved towards Salvatore, but Tony cut between them. Salvatore stuck his hand out of his window and waved to Tony.

"Why's he waving?" asked Caesar.

"He's waving me off." said Tony.

Tony slowed down and let Malcolm pass him. In the process, he turned down the next street which took him to the marina.

"Think he'll be okay?" asked Caesar.

"God forgive me if I'm wrong." said Tony.

"(Can you handle this street?)" asked Guiseppe.

"(Are you kidding?)" asked Salvatore. "(This is the Monaco Grand Prix course!)"

The Ferrari and TVR raced up a long hill. The horizon came into view as they reached a turn at the top of the hill. Both drivers would have been momentarily blinded by the rising sun had it been a few minutes later. Salvatore raced into the turn at high speed and the rear end started to slip to the side.

"He's losing it!" said Malcolm.

Guiseppe cringed in fear as Salvatore did his best to control the drift. As he came out of the turn, he straightened out and Guiseppe let out a sigh of relief.

"What the hell was that?" asked Ian.

Malcolm slowed down as he approached a hairpin turn. However, he floored the accelerator as he entered the turn and ended up drifting again. Guiseppe crossed himself.

Salvatore came out of the turn and went into a drift on the next one. He managed to put some distance between him and Malcolm by the time he came out of the last turn. He made his way to another highway and turned right on it.

"It would be harder to lose him if he didn't directly follow the Grand Prix course." said Malcolm.

Both cars raced through a tunnel and came out near an entrance for the marina. Salvatore raced into it and tore past a notch sticking into the sea.

"(That was the Nouvelle Chicane.)" said Guiseppe. "(If this had been a Formula One race, you would've lost some points there.)"

"(I know, I've always wanted to do that.)" said Salvatore.

The two cars then came to another turn and Salvatore drifted through it as well. He raced into the checkpoint and brought his car to a halt.

Tony and the others cheered his entrance. Per and Pierre had reached the checkpoint as well and applauded his arrival. Malcolm raced in after him and also received such a welcome.

Salvatore and Guiseppe climbed out of their car. Malcolm and Ian did the same.

"I'd like to see you try to do me in with all these witnesses." said Salvatore.

"I don't have to." said Malcolm.

"How do you mean?" asked Salvatore.

Kenneth walked over to them. "Good work, lads." he said. "Take a couple of hours to rest up. You're off to Switzerland in two hours. And since you came in so close, you'll be leaving close together as well."

Salvatore heard this and then looked to Malcolm. "You planned this, didn't you?" he said. "You planned to leave the checkpoint right after me so you could follow me and cause a crash when we were alone."

"Very astute." said Malcolm. "I'll see you at the start in two hours."

He walked away. Tony walked over to him.

"Don't worry about it." said Tony. "Caesar's cooking something up. We just have to visit a hobby shop or two and you just have to stay alive until we get to England."

"Can you help me with that?" asked Salvatore.

"We can." said Heidi.

"We'll be on guard no matter what." said Marie.

"We just need Caesar to go to those hobby shops." said Tony.

"Small problem with that." said Pierre. "None of the hobby shops in Monte Carlo are open. On top of that, they won't be until after we leave."

Tony and Caesar were taken aback by the news. "Don't worry, we can visit some places on the way to Switzerland." said Caesar.

"Then it's on to Switzerland then." said Tony.


	6. Alpine Speed

Cannonball Run 2007: Europe

Chapter 6: Alpine Speed

In Monaco, Caesar sat at a computer console. He ran the term "hobby shop" through a search engine. The computer returned results covering most of Europe. Caesar then went back to the search and narrowed down the search to Switzerland. He then looked over the new results.

"Hey, Gretchen." he said. "Have they revealed the next checkpoint yet?"

"It's a small resort town in Switzerland called Grindelwald." said Gretchen. "Planning the route ahead of time?"

"No, just working on something else." said Caesar as he scrolled down the list. "Hey, could you stick around here in case I need a translator?"

"What are you planning?" asked Gretchen as Caesar dialled his cell phone.

"A little science project." said Caesar as he put the phone to his ear.

--

"Okay, we all know what we have to do." said Rob.

"Ja, we have to keep Salvatore safe from that maniac in the TVR." said Heidi.

Marie turned to Per and translated for him.

"How much longer until we leave?" asked Guillaume.

"Not much longer." said Bison. "We'll be off soon."

"Okay, see you on the highway." said Monique.

Heidi walked back to her Porsche and Gretchen came running over.

"(We're all ready to go?)" asked Gretchen.

"Ja." said Heidi. "(We still have to keep an eye on Malcolm, though.)"

"(Bring him on.)" said Gretchen.

Rob and Bison returned to the Transit. Patrick was sitting in the open sliding door.

"How's the van?" asked Rob. "Did Andy install the computer?"

"The computer and the operating software are installed." said Patrick. "Poor guy wore himself out working on it."

He pointed into the back where Andy was sleeping on one of the benches.

"Let him sleep." said Robin. "He earned it."

"Yeah, we got a race to run." said Patrick.

"I'll drive." said Rob.

Rob climbed into the driver's seat while Patrick took the shotgun position. Bison and Robin got in back with the sleeping Andy.

The roar of the Porsche's engine was heard behind them. Heidi then put the car into gear and drove towards the starting line. As she passed, Rob started to turn the key.

"Andy, if this doesn't start, I'm leaving you here." said Rob.

"If this doesn't start, we're ALL getting left here." said Patrick.

Rob turned the key. Luckily for Andy, it started.

"Alright, let's go!" said Robin.

Heidi drove up to the start. The official at the gate checked his watch, then told her "Go!" and she was off.

Rob pulled up next and the official kept looking at his watch. "Go!" he said and Rob hit the accelerator.

"Wow, Andy really did a good job." said Robin as she and Bison sat on the bench opposite the one Andy was sleeping on.

"I'm right on your tail, Heidi." said Rob as he quickly raced around a turn.

The turn sent Andy rolling off the bench on onto the floor, waking him up. He looked up and looked at what was going on, then went back to sleep.

As Pierre pulled up to the starting line, Caesar ran past him and over to Tony's Nissan.

"Tony! Tony!" he yelled. "I found a hobby shop where we can get the materials I need."

"That's great." said Tony. "Where is it?"

"Get this." said Caesar as they climbed in. "It's right in Grindelwald. I can go there after we check in."

"Sweet." said Tony. "After you get the materials, how long will it take to make this doohickey?"

"Might take a while." said Caesar. "If I organize it properly, we should be able to slap it together before we reach England."

"Hope so." said Tony.

As Tony left the marina, Salvatore drove up to the starting line in his Ferrari. He looked in his rearview and saw Malcolm right behind him. Guiseppe looked over his shoulder at the TVR nervously.

The race official next to the window checked his watch, then yelled "Go!" and scared the wits out of Guiseppe. Salvatore floored it anyway.

--

Just short of the border with France, the Volvo had gotten pulled over. Inside, Marie was working on the computer.

"(Put that away. He's coming.)" said Per.

Marie tucked the keyboard in the glove compartment.

"(What were you doing?)" asked Per.

"(Trying to hack into his cruiser.)" said Marie.

The officer knocked on Per's window. He rolled it down.

"(Are you aware that you were going two hundred, forty kilometers per hour just now?)" asked the officer.

"Chill." said Per as he took out his driver's license and handed it to the officer.

"(You do realize that kind of speed is unsafe, right?)" asked the officer.

"(You do realize this is a Volvo, right?)" asked Per in French. "(Safety really isn't an issue in this car.)"

"(We'll see what the dispatcher has to say.)" said the officer.

He turned to walk back to his car. Marie took out her keyboard and started working on it again. "(I'm in.)" she said.

"(Really?)" asked Per. "(Do something. Quick.)"

Marie tapped a few keys.

The officer walked over to the door of his cruiser and the doors locked. Apparently not noticing, he tried to open the door anyway. When it didn't open, he looked up from the license to see what was wrong.

"(I don't think he was expecting that.)" said Per.

Marie continued her work on the keyboard. The officer looked through the window to his cruiser to see if anything caused the doors to lock. He jumped back when the horn went off.

Per started to laugh as Marie continued her work.

The officer continued to look at the cruiser. Suddenly, the roof light and siren turned on. The officer then started to look around in panic.

Per quickly threw his face into his hands and doubled over laughing.

The officer tried to pull the door open again. This time, the door unlocked while he was pulling on it and fell back onto the road.

Per pounded the dashboard while laughing.

"(Get your license.)" squealed Marie between fits of laughter.

Per jumped out of the Volvo and took his license from the bewildered officer, said "Merci", and got back into the Volvo. He was off in seconds.

Per looked over his shoulder. "(That was so amazing!)" he said. "(How did you manage to do all that?)"

"(Well, I was only intending to lock his doors.)" said Marie. "(The rest was caused when I tried to get out of the program.)"

Per looked at her suspiciously.

--

Salvatore pulled into a gas station somewhere in the south of France. Pierre was already there gassing up his Peugeot. Not surprisingly, Malcolm was right behind him in his TVR.

"'Ey, fancy running into you here." said Salvatore.

"This car needs gas, too." said Malcolm.

In the office, Monique looked out at the scene and turned to Guillaume. "(It's Malcolm again.)" she said.

Guillaume looked out the window himself. "(A bodyguard's work is never done.)" he said. "(Even when it's not my original charge.)" He walked over to the magazine rack and picked up a copy of Paris Match. He was paying for it just as Guiseppe came in.

Outside...

"I wonder if you're prepared for the Alps." said Malcolm. "All those twisting, winding mountain roads. If you're not careful, you just might find yourself going off a cliff."

"And then your problems will be solved." said Salvatore.

"They figure things out so quickly." said Ian as Salvatore and Malcolm finished pumping and replaced their nozzles.

Salvatore started to get back into his Ferrari as Malcolm used his credit card to pay for his gas. Guiseppe, Monique, and Guillaume left the office a few seconds later.

Guiseppe got into the Ferrari and started to fasten his seatbelt. "(Gas is paid for.)" he said.

"Belissimo." said Salvatore. He started the car and put it in gear. The vehicle took off a couple of seconds later.

"Come on, we're losing him!" said Ian.

"I'm on it." said Malcolm as he climbed into the TVR. He went to start it, but then stopped.

Guillaume was standing in front of the car reading his Paris Match.

Malcolm honked his horn. "Hey, get out of the way!" he yelled.

"Not just yet." said Guillaume. "There's a nice interview with Marc Levy that is very intriguing."

Malcolm undid his seat belt, climbed out, and marched over to Guillaume. He then grabbed Guillaume and tried to wrestle him out of the way. Guillaume fell towards the TVR and landed hands-first on the hood. He then dropped to the ground and sat against the front bumper.

Malcolm grabbed him again and tried to drag him away. However, Guillaume twisted out of his hold and laid in front of the car. Malcolm tried to pick him up again and Guillaume tried kicking him.

"(Guillaume, let's go.)" said Pierre as he started the Peugeot.

Guillaume got up and jumped into the Peugeot. Pierre was off immediately.

Malcolm got back up and jumped into his TVR. "Salvatore is most likely long gone." he said as he started the car.

"You could've just backed up!" said Ian.

"That would be immature." said Malcolm.

--

The Transit van was somewhere past the Italian border. Rob was still behind the wheel.

"Have we seen Heidi since we left Monaco?" asked Patrick.

"No, we lost her." said Rob.

"Well, if you see her, ask if she's still watching for Malcolm." said Andy who was now sitting on the bench.

"By the way, I never thanked you for your work on the engine." said Rob.

"Yeah, let's keep it that way." said Andy.

Rob drove past a tractor-trailer and looked where it was to find Heidi driving alongside in her Porsche.

"Speak of the angel." he said.

"Let's waste her." said Bison.

In the Porsche...

"(Well, look who's here.)" said Heidi as she looked over at the Transit van.

"(Care to widen the gap?)" asked Gretchen.

In the Transit...

"She's spotted us!" said Patrick.

"Now to see if Andy's handiwork worked out." said Rob as he put the pedal to the metal.

The Transit started to accelerate and pass the Porsche. Heidi noticed and upshifted. "Auf wiedersehen." she said.

She pulled onto the shoulder to bypass the traffic.

"Oh, is that fair?" yelled Robin.

"Hold on." said Rob.

He swerved around several slower cars. A couple of drivers blew their horns at him.

"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk." said Rob.

"What?" asked Patrick.

"Where is she?" asked Andy.

"I dunno." said Rob. "I lost her in the crowd."

"(Do you see him?)" asked Gretchen.

"(No, I'm too busy trying to avoid rear-ending a truck.)" said Heidi.

"(Tollbooth.)" said Gretchen.

Heidi cut in front of a van and entered the tollbooth.

Rob's van drove into the booth and Patrick paid the attendant. "Merci." he said.

Rob pulled out of the booth and Patrick started laughing. Rob looked at what he was laughing at.

"We beat them!" said Patrick as he pointed to the Porsche leaving the tollbooth behind them. "Thick traffic and we still beat them!"

"Nice work, Andy!" said Rob.

"I'm going to install a hot tub later." said Andy.

--

Salvatore raced into the Italian Alps.

"(Well, I think it's confirmed.)" said Guiseppe. "(We have shaken the tail from Malcolm.)"

"(That's good.)" said Salvatore. "(Right now, let's concentrate on reaching Grindelwald.)"

"(Hey, is that Tony?)" asked Guiseppe as a certain Nissan Z-Car appeared before them.

"(Yes, it is.)" said Salvatore. "(Let's touch base.)"

In the Nissan, Tony and Caesar were singing along with the Fratellis' "Chelsea Dagger". Salvatore started to pull alongside. In response, Caesar turned down the radio.

"Hey, what are you doing?" asked Tony. "That's my people we're listening to."

"Tony, the Fratellis are from Scotland." said Caesar. "And speaking of your people..." he added as he rolled down the window.

Salvatore pulled alongside the Nissan and Guiseppe rolled down his window. "How's it going, paisan?" said Salvatore.

"What's the word, Salvatore?" asked Tony.

"Switzerland isn't that far away." said Salvatore. "I thought you'd like a one-on-one."

"You're on." said Tony.

"Okay." said Salvatore.

Guiseppe and Caesar rolled up their windows. Tony floored the accelerator.

"(You going to toast him?)" asked Guiseppe.

"(We'll see.)" said Salvatore.

"You're going to do some more drifting, aren't you?" asked Caesar.

"Of course." said Tony. "I'm really starting to get the hang of it."

The road curved to the right and Tony let the tail end slide. When the road straighted out, Tony did the same. The road then curved to the left and Tony let the tail slide again. This time, the tail slid a little too far. Tony fought to control the car, but it ended up sliding into a lay-by where it stopped.

Tony let out a sigh of relief, then turned to Caesar and asked "You alright?"

"Yeah, I just gotta change my pants." said Caesar.

Salvatore came around the turn and pulled up to him. Guiseppe and Tony rolled down their windows and Salvatore looked at Tony doubtingly.

Tony put his hands together and said "The student has surpassed the master."

--

Per drove through the Swiss Alps.

"(I'm sorry the museum was closed.)" said Marie.

"(It's alright.)" said Per. "(I left them my cell phone number. They'll call when it reopens.)"

"(In the meantime, we're almost to the checkpoint.)" said Marie.

"(We can rest up there.)" said Per.

Behind them was Malcolm in his TVR.

"We're almost there." said Ian.

"Good, maybe we can see Salvatore there and catch up with him again." said Malcolm.

"I'm starting to think it would be easier just to accept the punishment." said Ian.

"Wait, who's that?" asked Malcolm.

"I believe it's those two Swedes." said Ian.

"Well then, let's pass them." said Malcolm.

He started to accelerate and close in on the Volvo.

"(Per, is that the guy trying to kill Salvatore?)" asked Marie.

"(Yeah, that's him.)" said Per. "(Let's kill him instead...figuratively of course.)"

Per floored the accelerator and gained some distance on the TVR.

"Catch him, Malcolm!" said Ian. "He's driving a Volvo!"

Per maneuvered the Volvo through the turns and kept on the gas. Malcolm did his best to keep up with him.

"Who does this guy think he is? Sterling Moss?" yelled Malcolm.

"(Who does this guy think he is? Erik Carlsson?)" asked Per.

He then cut the wheel sharply to the right and drove into a side road.

"Where does he think he's going?" asked Malcolm as he drove by.

Ian checked the map. "Apparently, the next checkpoint." he said. "According to the map, that's the way there."

Malcolm quickly turned around and made for the road.

Meanwhile, Per continued to race along the road.

"(This is pretty twisted.)" said Marie. "(Can you handle the turns at this speed.)"

"(I drive rally cars for a living.)" said Per. "(I'm used to roads like these.)"

Malcolm started to catch up with him.

"We're on him like glue." said Malcolm.

"Hopefully, more like teflon." said Ian.

The two cars went into a turn and the TVR spun out.

"Dammit!" yelled Malcolm.

He eased the car back onto the road and drove after Per.

"(You lost him!)" laughed Marie.

"(Not yet.)" said Per.

Malcolm nearly caught up with him again. They went into another turn. Malcolm managed to keep the TVR on the road, but Per was able to gain several seconds on him.

"How can you lose this guy on such a narrow road?" asked Ian.

"Hey, you want to try this?" asked Malcolm.

Malcolm made up the distance and caught up with Per.

"Now give him a message." said Malcolm.

"Um, not now." said Ian. "We've got witnesses."

The two cars raced into the next checkpoint. Per pulled up to the time clock and punched it while Malcolm punched the other.

The two cars then pulled into a pair of parking spaces and Malcolm started to climb out of his car.

"Going to give him a piece of your mind?" asked Ian.

"Can't spare it." said Malcolm. "Going to give him a knuckle sandwich."

Malcolm marched over to the Volvo. When Per climbed out, Malcolm turned away and returned to his own car.

"(I think I've got a look that bypasses the language barrier.)" said Per.

--

Caesar had his jacket laid out on the hood of the 350Z. Laid out on his jacket was a pile of electrical components that he was organizing.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing with this crap because I sure as hell don't." said Tony.

"I got my mom to e-mail me the plans I did for my junior high science project." said Caesar as he picked up his cell phone.

"Can you read them off that tiny screen?" asked Tony.

"Not really, but it's jogging my memory." said Caesar. "Okay, I think I can do this."

--

In the Transit van, Bison and Robin looked over the settings on the computer. "Okay, if what I understand is correct, this should allow us to attain a higher top speed on the Autobahn." said Bison.

"That's good to hear." said Robin. "The two hours is almost up. Where are the others?"

"They went to get in some skateboarding practice." said Bison. "They're using the road atop the mountain there."

"You mean at the top of the ski jump?" asked Robin.

"Yep." said Bison.

On the indicated road, Rob led Patrick and Andy.

"Come on, guys!" said Rob. "Try to keep up."

"Hey, we don't have elevations like this in Dublin, man." said Patrick.

"Hey, it's almost time to start the next leg." said Rob.

"I guess we'd better get back then." said Patrick.

"Meet you there!" said Andy as he steered his skateboard down the ski jump.

"Andy, no!" yelled Patrick.

Andy careened down the the ramp, then started to lose his balance. He tried to steady himself, but failed and ended up tumbling into the trees.

"Ooh!" moaned Bison and Robin.

"Agony of defeat." said Bison.

--

Heidi and Gretchen climbed into the Porsche. "(I hear we're going home.)" said Gretchen.

"(Nurburg.)" said Heidi. "(No doubt chosen because of the Nurburgring.)"

Pierre was right behind her in the Peugeot.

"(Everybody properly rested?)" asked Pierre.

"(We only had two hours.)" said Guillaume. "(What do you think?)"

"(Relax, we'll be fine.)" said Monique.

The Porsche and the Peugeot clocked out, then took off for Germany. Several more cars followed over the next half hour. The Transit left then.

"How's the arm?" asked Bison.

"Aches." said Andy as he held an icepack against his elbow. He had bandages on many parts of his body.

"I can't believe he survived that." said Patrick from the driver's seat.

"How long have you known him?" asked Rob.

Ten minutes later, it was Salvatore's turn to leave. Tony was a minute behind him.

"When are we supposed to arrive?" asked Caesar as he took inventory of his electronic components.

"Around sunset." said Tony. "I don't think the ferries to England run at night."

"That should buy me some time." said Caesar.

About ten minutes behind Tony were Per and Malcolm.

--

"(Can we get away from these guys?)" asked Marie.

"(I hope so.)" said Per. "(They gave us a lot of trouble on the way up.)"

"These guys gave us a lot of trouble on the way up." said Malcolm.

Per floored the accelerator and maneuvered through the mountain roads.

"(Careful.)" said Marie as she worked on her computer.

"(What are you working on?)" asked Per.

"(I'm trying to hack into their GPS navigation system.)" said Marie. "(If successful, it should send them all the way to Stockholm.)"

"(There's a tunnel coming up.)" said Per. "(That's going to cut off your satellite connection. Can you complete the hack before we hit it?)"

"(I can try.)" said Marie.

Per turned the Volvo down another road and made his way to the main road. Malcolm tried to pass him, but ran into many of the same difficulties he'd had on the way up.

"Try to be patient this time." said Ian.

"Okay." said Malcolm.

Malcolm followed Per down the roads, maintaining a respectable distance.

"(He seems a little more calm this time.)" said Per. Marie continued to tap away at her computer.

"Almost out of here." said Malcolm.

Per pulled onto the main road and floored the accelerator. Malcolm pulled around him and raced past.

"Marie." said Per.

"(Almost got it.)" said Marie as she tapped away on her computer.

"(Hurry.)" said Per as he looked at the approaching tunnel.

"(Here we go.)" said Marie as she went to press Enter. Unfortunately, they had entered the tunnel by the time she actually made contact with the Enter key and she lost her satellite connection. Upon realizing this, she let out a series of Swedish curses which would force me to raise the rating if translated.

--

Heidi raced down a Swiss highway approaching the border with Germany.

"(Home is not far away.)" said Gretchen.

"(I wonder if we'll encounter anyone we know.)" said Heidi.

A loud roar drowned out their Porsche's engine. Salvatore blew past them a second later.

"(Looks like we just did.)" said Gretchen.

Heidi upshifted and gained on Salvatore's Ferrari.

Salvatore laughed as he looked in his rearview. "(We dance again, Heidi.)" he said.

The two high performance sports cars swerved through the traffic. The slower cars did them a favor by swerving out of their way.

"Danke shien." said Heidi.

Salvatore cut onto the shoulder to pass a tractor-trailer. He then got back onto the main road.

A Mercedes Benz C320 stayed in its lane. Heidi tried to swerve around it only to be cut off by Salvatore.

"(Asshole!)" yelled Gretchen.

"Ciao!" yelled Salvatore as he and Guiseppe looked over their shoulders.

Guisepppe turned back to the front and screamed. Salvatore looked forward and saw he was about to rear-end a Lancia Phedra.

Salvatore quickly got on the brakes and averted disaster. However, Heidi soared past him in the Porsche.

Salvatore pulled back into the lane previously occupied by Heidi and Gretchen, but they were long gone.

"(You win this round, little one.)" he said. Guiseppe tried to catch his breath.

--

At the border with Germany, Pierre had been stopped by the border guard. They were going over his Peugeot.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked Pierre. "I'm just a humble businessman with no sinister connections."

"Just following up a lead." said one of the border guards.

"Did this lead come from someone with a British accent?" asked Pierre.

"Fraulein, can I look in this bag?" asked another guard.

"By all means." said Monique.

The guard looked in the bag. "What do we have here?" he asked.

"That's important." said Monique.

"It appears to be some kind of illegal substance." said the guard.

"No, it's insulin." said Guillaume.

"We'll see about that." said the guard as he took a sample of the insulin.

"(How much of that do you have left?)" asked Pierre in French.

"(That's it.)" said Monique. "(I have to refill my prescription in a couple of days. If they confiscate that, I'm in trouble.)"

Monique's watch alarm went off. She turned it off and took out her blood monitor.

"On that note." said Monique. "I have to warn you this will get bloody."

She then pricked her index finger. The border guard closest to her glimpsed this action and fainted.

"Hans!" yelled the other guard.

"(Has that ever happened before?)" asked Pierre.

"I warned you!" said Monique.

"What are you doing?" asked the guard.

"I'm monitoring my blood sugar." said Monique.

The guard took the monitor. "This is legitimate." he said. "I apologize for the confusion."

"Um, your man." said Guillaume.

"Oh, yes." said the guard. "He has a low tolerance for blood."

"Does this mean we can go?" asked Pierre.

"I guess so." said the guard as he tried to rouse Hans.

--

The Transit van had made it to the German Autobahn. Patrick was behind the wheel.

"How fast are we going?" asked Rob.

"Faster than a Transit has a right to go." said Patrick.

"Has anybody told you that you do great work?" asked Bison.

"More often than you think." said Andy. He then looked to the rear doors and said "Hey, watch this."

"Oh shit." said Patrick.

"How do you know what he's going to do?" asked Rob.

"Anytime he says that, it's trouble." said Patrick.

Andy opened one of the rear doors and pushed himself out on his skateboard. He then grabbed onto the door handle and let it pull him along at high speed.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Andy Dunn." said Patrick. "The only person on Earth genius enough to mod out a Transit van and stupid enough to drag himself behind it."

Andy held onto the door handle while being pulled through the traffic. He tilted the board left and right and swerved.

He then heard a rattle and looked down. It was then he discovered he was going too fast for the skateboard to handle as one of the wheels was starting to come off.

He quickly let go of the door handle and started to roll away from the van.

"Tell me he didn't just let go of the door handle." said Rob.

"Robin, did you see that?" asked Patrick.

"See it?" asked Robin. "I'm taping it!"

Andy looked back at the approaching traffic and muttered "That wasn't a very bright move." He then swerved around a couple of cars and tried to grab onto one.

In the van, Bison sat on the floor facing the rear doors and Rob turned around in his seat.

"Barrier is in place." said Bison.

"Steady...steady." said Rob. He waited until Andy was directly behind the van, then said "Now!"

Patrick hit the brakes. Andy immediately saw what was happening and popped a wheelie on his board. He hit the rear bumper and went tumbling into the van. He stopped when he hit Bison. Robin grabbed his board.

"Definitely not doing that again." said Andy.

"Just in case, we're gonna strap you down anyway." said Bison as Robin pulled the doors shut.

--

Further north, Tony kept it going full throttle. In the passenger seat, Caesar was assembling various electrical components.

"Did the original project take this long?" asked Tony.

"No, the original project was smaller." said Caesar. "Also, I had my mom helping me."

"Want me to call her? Turn." said Tony.

"No, I'd rather..." said Caesar as he held his equipment tighter. The Z-Car went into a sharp turn. "I'd rather not explain to her why I'm doing this. You know, I also wasn't trying to assemble it in a moving car."

"What do you mean?" asked Tony jokingly. "I used to put my G.I. Joe toys together in the car all the time."

"This is a little more complicated than a H.A.V.O.C. or a Rolling Thunder." laughed Caesar.

"How much longer you got?" asked Tony.

"I think I'm about halfway done." said Caesar. "I can finish up during the overnight stay."

"That's good." said Tony. "We're almost there."

--

A BMW M3 pulled into the grounds of Nurburg Castle. After it pulled up to the time clock, the driver got out and punched the clock.

"Good job." said Livingston. "Go get a room and rest up. You're bound for England tomorrow."

The drivers of the BMW walked to their room while speaking to each other in German. They passed Malcolm and Ian on the way.

"You realize that Salvatore is still alive, right?" said Ian.

"Yes, I do." said Malcolm.

"So, now what?" asked Ian.

"This last leg is the make or break moment." said Malcolm. "If we don't get him now, we're screwed."


	7. On The Way Back

Cannonball Run 2007: Europe

Chapter 7: On The Way Back

A couple of hours after the Cannonballers reached Nurburg Castle, they left for the ferry back to England. While Tony was navigating the nighttime drive...

"Finally." said Caesar.

"It's done?" asked Tony.

"Finito." said Caesar.

"Alright." said Tony. "So, what do we need to do now?"

"First, I need a moment alone with your car." said Caesar. "Preferably, Malcolm's car needs to be there too."

"You're not gonna have them mate, are you?" asked Tony.

"No." laughed Caesar. "Although that would be cool. Anyways, after that, we just need to get Malcolm to pass through Constable Leeds' jurisdiction and the rest is up to him."

"Good ol' Leeds." said Tony.

* * *

Patrick had passed the border crossing and entered France. As he drove under a bridge, Rob yelled "Wait, stop!"

Patrick came to a stop and asked "What's wrong?"

"You were about to pass by a picture perfect skateboarding location." said Rob.

"Oh, thanks for the warning." said Patrick.

Rob, Patrick, and Andy jumped out of the van with their skateboards. Patrick and Andy saw what Rob had noticed: the supports for the bridge rested on pedestals with perfectly slanted sides. Rob ran up one side and set down his board. Patrick and Andy joined him while Robin trained her video camera on them.

"Andy, by your estimate, how much time do we have to kill?" asked Rob.

"Who gives a damn?" asked Andy.

"Best answer I've heard all race." said Patrick. He promptly launched himself down the pedestal and up the one on the other side. One hand plant later, he was sailing down the other side.

Andy was next to launch. After he cruised down the side, he raced up the other side and did a 720 degree spin in midair. He then rolled down the pedestal and returned to the starting position.

Rob followed him with Patrick joining him. The two of them ran down one pedestal and up the other. Both did a 180 degree spin in midair with Patrick flying over Rob.

Andy gave it another go when Rob and Patrick returned to the start. When he went up the opposite pedestal, he grabbed his board and removed his feet from it. He placed them back on just before making contact with the pedestal again.

"Go for it." said Patrick. Rob then launched himself down the pedestal and raced up the other one. He performed a rail slide and rolled back down.

"Car!" yelled Bison.

As he started to cross the road, he looked and saw a dark grey PGO Cevannes racing towards him. He quickly jumped and flew over the roadster before landing on his board again.

"Well, that was close." he said.

"Wasn't that guy in the race?" asked Bison.

"Yeah, I guess the boarding session is over." said Patrick.

"Back to the van, boys." said Rob.

"Hey, did you get that?" asked Andy.

"Oh yeah." said Robin as they got back into the van. "I'd like to take another look at those two in the roadster."

* * *

The rest of the trip to the ferry was pretty much uneventful. The Lindstroms arrived first, again because of their navigation system. However, they again arrived several hours before the next ferry was to leave.

They were still in the middle of a game of Gran Turismo 4 when Heidi and Gretchen showed up. Several other drivers made it to the ferry landing in the hours before sunrise. The ferry finally opened to receive passengers around 8.

The Cannonballers drove onto the ferry. Within minutes, the racers had punched their time cards and exited their cars. Many of them made their way to the main deck.

"Time to go to work." said Caesar as he climbed out of Tony's 350Z.

* * *

Within fifteen minutes, the ferry had set sail. The racers had gathered in the lounge to mingle.

"So, where's your friend?" asked Heidi.

"He had a special project to work on." said Tony. "Let's just say that if this goes as planned, all my problems will be fixed."

"What problems are those?" asked Salvatore.

"Problems involving a hotheaded Brit with a personal grudge against you, Sal." said Tony.

"Then both of our problems will be fixed." said Guiseppe.

Across the room...

"There's no telling how much more we could've done." said Rob.

"If you ask me, that's what it was all about." said Patrick.

"You guys ready for the last dash?" asked Marie.

"Oh, absolutely." said Pierre.

"May we have your attention please?" asked the female race official.

The Cannonballers turned to her and the Welsh race official.

"Thank you." she said. "At this moment, Mr. Livingston is on his way to the finish line. He will be there to greet the winning driver and their team. We've tallied up your times so far. It would appear that only five teams are in contention for winner of the race. No one else is close."

"And without further ado, those five teams are as follows." said the Welshman. "The first team is...clear the dance floor. Salvatore Moretti and Guiseppe Venicci."

Salvatore and Guiseppe cheered.

"Heidi Kerner and Gretchen Steinberg." said the woman.

Heidi and Gretchen squealed with delight.

"Pierre Massarde and his team." said the Welshman.

Pierre laughed while Guillaume and Monique smiled at him.

"Per and Marie Lindstrom." said the woman.

Marie clapped her hands once while Per gave a thumbs-up.

"And finally," said the Welshman "the team headed by Patrick Bannon and Rob Falcon."

"Yeah!" yelled Rob and Patrick. They high-fived each other.

"Everyone else, look for a miracle." said the woman.

Malcolm walked over to Tony and said "Well, it looks like neither of us is in the running."

"Hey, we both know why you're in this race." said Tony.

"Where's your friend?" asked Ian.

Tony thought about his answer. "You'll find out." he said.

"How about now?" asked Malcolm. He walked towards the stairs to the vehicle level.

"What's the deal, Gates?" asked Tony. "Nervous?"

"About what?" asked Malcolm.

"Yeah, I know guys like you." said Tony. "Afraid someone has an upper hand on you. Seeking to get ahead through any means necessary, even those less than legal."

"Are you accusing me of something?" asked Malcolm.

"Oh, you picked up on it." said Tony.

"You want to mess with me?" asked Malcolm as he raised his fists. "Alright, let's go. Let's see what you're made of."

"Oh, resorting to fisticuffs, huh?" asked Tony as he started to back away. "Can't we settle this on the blacktop like real men?"

"You know what?" asked Malcolm. "I believe we shall. The ferry should dock in a couple of hours. We'll see who the man is."

* * *

A couple of hours later, Guillaume looked out the window and saw land approaching. He walked over to Tony. "We're about to port." he said. "Time to put your money where your mouth is."

"I gotcha." said Tony.

"What is Malcolm's problem anyway?" asked Heidi.

"He's just on the outs with the Formula One regulating commitee." said Salvatore. "He was caught up in a gambling scandal and I reported him. Apparently, he wants to kill me as if that will get him back into F-One."

Malcolm walked over to them. "Well, are you ready to get your arse handed to you?" he asked Tony.

"I'm ready to dance." said Tony. "As for getting one's ass handed to him, we'll see. I think you'll find I'm not just some stupid yankee."

"Really?" said Malcolm. "As I recall, you couldn't even outrun me on the motorway."

"That's because of an innocent motorist getting in the way." said Tony. "An innocent motorist who got sent to the hospital due to an accident you caused when you cut off that truck."

"Well, that was rather unfortunate." said Malcolm. "But that's what happens when you bring innocents into your battle."

"Like the innocent racers you endangered with your little quest for revenge?" asked Tony. "How many Cannonballers have gotten in your way so far? Are they the reason why your target is barely freaked out with maybe an hour left?"

The other Cannonballers let out an "Ooh!"

"Try not to take this personally." said Malcolm. He then took a swing at Tony. Unfortunately, Tony ducked and Malcolm ended up hitting Per as he was walking by with a cup of water. As soon as the water spilled across Per's jacket, Malcolm knew he was in trouble. "Shite." he said.

"I think I'm gonna like this part." said Andy as Robin raised her camera.

Per pounded his hand with his fist.

"Now now, I'm sure we can talk about this, man to man." said Malcolm.

"It's not going to do you any good." said Marie. "He doesn't speak English."

Per grabbed Malcolm by the collar. "Can we relax?" said Malcolm. "Uh...Ikea Abba Saab smorgasbord?"

Per threw Malcolm against the wall. He then nailed him with a spin kick. A couple of punches followed.

Malcolm dropped to the floor and tried to crawl away. Per grabbed his leg and pulled him back. He then picked him up and threw him against the wall again.

Per then grabbed Malcolm by the throat and lifted him off his feet. "(If it was your goal to piss off everyone in this race, you succeeded.)" said Per. "(I think everyone's going to want me to do this.)"

It was then that the Welshman walked up to them and said "Excuse me, gents. The ferry is docking. We're off." He then repeated his news in Swedish.

Upon hearing the news, Per dropped Malcolm and walked for the stairs. The other Cannonballers followed.

"Bloody wanker." said Malcolm as he picked himself up.

The Cannonballers ran to their cars as the ramp lowered. "I'm getting a sense of deja vu!" yelled Rob.

Heidi and Gretchen jumped into their Porsche and fastened their seat belts.

The Lindstroms got into their Volvo and Marie booted up her computer.

Salvatore and Guiseppe slid into their Ferrari and Salvatore brought the V-12 to life.

Pierre, Guillaume, and Monique got into their Peugeot and Guillaume started making security checks.

Ron and his team got into the Transit van. Robin changed her tape while Patrick got the van started.

Malcolm and Ian climbed into the TVR. Malcolm wiped the blood from his nose.

Tony dropped himself into the driver's seat of his 350Z. Caesar was waiting for him.

"Well?" asked Tony.

"It's done." said Caesar. "The rest is up to you."

* * *

As soon as the ramp was down, the cars had raced down it. Once upon the British highway, the cars fought for position.

Heidi quickly took the lead. Salvatore was right behind her.

Seeing his chance, Malcolm made his way through the pack to get to Salvatore.

Tony noticed this and activated his nitrous system. He then pressed the switch on the steering wheel and shot towards the front of the group. He quickly caught up with Malcolm and cut in front of him.

"You're going down, mate." said Malcolm.

Malcolm tried to swerve around him, but Tony managed to cut him off everytime.

"Kaw-kaw, kaw-kaw." chanted Tony.

Salvatore looked in his rearview and saw this. He pushed his accelerator to the floor and overtook Heidi.

"Move it, you stupid yank!" yelled Ian.

"They're really mad now!" reported Caesar.

"Very sharp, my man." said Tony. "Let's see just how mad."

The road forked ahead of them. While the Cannonballers went one way, Tony went another. Sure enough, Malcolm followed him.

"Okay, he's officially lost sight of his original goal." said Caesar.

Tony raced down a road with Malcolm in hot pursuit. He tore around a turn. Malcolm kept with him.

"This guy has been a thorn in my side for too long." said Malcolm.

Tony came to a small town and raced down the main street.

"Do it now." said Caesar.

Tony cut a turn down a side street and spun out. Malcolm simply drove by.

"Did you see that?" asked Ian.

"Still alive, but I'll take it." said Malcolm.

Suddenly, a pair of police Land Rovers pulled out of a side street and blocked the street. Malcolm let out a grunt and hit the brakes, stopping short of a collision. Two police Vauxhalls pulled out behind the TVR and cut off its escape route. Several armed police officers surrounded the car.

Leeds and Porter climbed out from behind one of the Land Rovers and took at look at their prey.

"Oh, bugger." said Leeds. "Lads, does that look like a Zed-Car to you?"

"Hold on a tick." said Porter as he took out his pad.

Porter showed it to Leeds. Leeds looked at the pad, then at the car. "Arrest these men!" he ordered.

Some of the officers ran up to the car and pulled out Malcolm and Ian, threw them on the hood, and cuffed them.

"I don't understand." said Porter. "The beacon was supposed to be on the Zed-Car."

"Hold on." said Leeds. He took the tracker for the beacon and pointed it at the TVR. He got a positive reading. He then walked over to the car and looked into the wheelwell. He took out the key to the beacon, stuck it into the wheelwell, and then took out the beacon.

"How did he do that?" asked Porter.

Leeds looked up the street. He saw Tony's 350Z pull out of the side street. He also thought he saw Tony wink at him.

"Strange one." said Leeds.

* * *

Sometime later, the other Cannonballers raced towards Surrey Castle. Per had taken the lead due to his sister's work with the GPS navigation system.

"(How much further is it?)" asked Per.

"(Not far.)" said Marie. "(Maybe another ten kilometers.)"

"(Good to hear.)" said Per.

A loud roar was heard as Heidi's Porsche came up behind him.

"(There's our friends from Sweden.)" said Gretchen.

"(Let's hope they stay friends after this.)" said Heidi.

Another roar was heard as Salvatore's Ferrari came racing along.

"(We're almost to the castle.)" said Guiseppe.

"(Wonderful.)" said Salvatore. "(We can rest when we get there.)"

They tore through a T-intersection where Pierre was turning. He managed to join them.

"(Victory is at hand!)" cheered Pierre. "(Time to keep it going!)"

"(Is he always this brash?)" asked Monique.

"(More than you think.)" said Guillaume.

The cars zipped past a tractor-trailer which revealed the Transit van.

"We are still in contention." said Patrick.

"Good." said Rob. "I'd like to score a victory right now."

"This is going to be a good shot." said Robin.

"I was hoping you'd think so." said Andy.

"Here we are!" cheered Bison.

The cars sped into the grounds of Surrey Castle. Per managed to maintain the lead. Pierre had managed to come alongside him. Heidi and Salvatore hung behind them while Patrick held a somewhat distant rear.

"(We're going to get it!)" squealed Marie.

"(Go! Go! Go!)" chanted Guillaume.

"(Victory is...)" said Pierre before a silver MG pulled into the entryway coming the other way. He and Per slammed on their brakes.

Heidi and Salvatore followed suit and brought their cars to a halt. The MG's driver was too confused to move. She hadn't realized she was going the wrong way.

"How are we going to get through that?" asked Rob.

"I've got a plan." said Andy as he picked up his skateboard. He went for the handle for the side door and pulled it open.

Patrick kept accelerating for the traffic jam as Pierre tried to climb over the MG.

"Here we go!" yelled Andy as he launched himself out of the van. He then planted his feet on the skateboard and landed it on the back of the Porsche.

He then ramped off the back of the car and cleared the trunk of the Volvo before landing on the roof and then did a rail slide across the MG's windshield.

Patrick had brought the van to a halt and his teammates were watching Andy's stunt.

"Uh oh." said Rob.

Andy landed his board on the roadway and skated to the finish line. Kenneth was waiting for him.

Andy stopped at the time clock. "Well, what did you think about that?" he asked.

"That was quite simply the most amazing finish ever in the Cannonball." said Kenneth. "A minor mishap with a clever and exciting solution. Very good job, my good man."

"Thank you, sir." said Andy.

"Now, just punch the clock and we can declare you the winner." said Kenneth.

Andy quickly started to search himself for the time card. He got worried when he couldn't find it.

"Andy!" yelled Rob. Andy looked to see Rob still had the time card in the van.

"Knew it was too good to be true." said Andy.

Pierre then ran up to punch the clock.

* * *

Tony and Caesar raced for the finish.

"Care to explain how you did it?" asked Tony.

"You don't want me to bore you." said Caesar.

"Try me." said Tony.

"Okay, here's what I did." said Caesar. "When I was at the Pompidou Center, I checked out a display of magnets. They let me play with them a bit and I discovered that if you place two like-poled magnets on opposite sides of a piece of metal, it weakens the hold both have on that metal."

"So, that's why you needed those electromagnet designs from home." said Tony.

"Yeah, but this one was a little bigger than the one I needed to make in high school." said Caesar. "After I managed to make one strong enough to counter the magnet on the tracking device, I simply stuck it to the side of your fender and easily popped the device off. The tricky part was getting it to Malcolm's TVR without getting it stuck to another car."

"Sucker never knew what hit him." said Tony. "You really pulled my bacon out of the fire this time. What do I owe you?"

"Your undying friendship." said Caesar.

Tony thought about it. "I can live with that." he said.

Tony pulled into the grounds for Surrey Castle.

* * *

Tony and Caesar walked right into the post-race party. The others greeted them with a cheer.

"So, who won?" asked Tony.

Several people pointed to Pierre.

"Good for him." said Caesar.

"'Ey, Tony!" said Salvatore as he walked over. "I didn't see Malcolm show up."

Tony made a thumbs-up and turned it down. "Cops got him." he said. "He's not going to hurt you now."

"Really?" asked Salvatore.

"They got him." said Caesar.

"Oh, we can breath easier now!" sighed Guiseppe.

"(So, how did you like your first Cannonball?)" asked Heidi.

"(Very well.)" said Gretchen. "(Same time next year?)"

"Ja, ja." said Heidi. "(I think we'll take one of those new Audis.)"

"(Sounds wonderful.)" said Gretchen. "(But you have to let me pick the outfits.)"

"(Must I?)" asked Heidi.

Per and Marie walked over to Andy and Bison.

"Here comes our competition." said Bison.

Per held out his hand and said "It was nice racing against you." in perfect English, surprising the two skateboarders.

He then walked away to another racer. "(How was that?)" he asked.

"(Perfect.)" said Marie.

Tony and Caesar were talking with another racer when Constable Leeds and Porter walked in. "Ah, Mr. Basilotta." said Leeds.

"Constable Leeds, what brings you here?" asked Tony.

"I thought you'd like to know that Malcolm Gates has plead guilty to charges of reckless endangerment and leaving the scene of an accident." said Leeds. "You'll also be glad to know that the drivers of the Rover and the lorry are expected to make a full recovery."

"Yeah, that is good news." said Caesar.

"How did you know to find us here?" asked Tony.

"Well, the beacon said you were here a few days ago after our meeting." said Leeds. "Now, we heard rumors of an illegal road race starting off from here and finishing here tonight. We decided to act on these rumors and here you are."

"Now, that's detective work." said Caesar.

"By the way, is there any chance to catch someone in the act?" asked Leeds.

"Doubt it." said Tony.

Leeds shrugged and said "Pity."

"So, how do you like how we do it in Europe?" asked Patrick.

"Not bad." said Rob. "I think I'll come back next year."

"Andy and I will start working on a vehicle immediately." said Patrick.

"Hey, can I get a shot with the American lad?" asked Robin.

"Of course, of course." said Patrick as he took out his camera.

"You're not obsessing over Patrick now, are you?" asked Rob.

"No, of course not." said Robin. "All this time, I've seen he's an ordinary guy."

"Good to hear." said Rob.

"You, on the other hand..." said Robin.

Patrick took the picture and captured the look of shock on Rob's face for eternity.

THE END.

AN:So, there you go. How did you like it?  
I am working on some things for Cannonball Run 2008 right now. This will return to the established continuity with the American Cannonballers, but there will be a twist as well.  
Also, I'd like to point out that some of the characters from this fic will show up in a future Cannonball Run story. Do you like the sound of that?  
Thank you very much.


End file.
